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In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.1

In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Currently, much more freedom to youngsters is rapidly becoming the common situation in this globalization. However, this phenomenon is likely to create some problems. This dual issues will find its analysis in this essay below. First and foremost, there are several reasons why this event could once be a mecca for children. Firstly and more importantly, due to the fact that young people get freedom during their studies or just in the period of their childhood, they are able to show their creativity. For instance, I have an uncle who had given freedom to his son for attending the drawing lessons even though he wanted him to be a doctor. Now, he is pound of him owing to the fact that his son is a famous painter in our country. Despite these positive aspects, this might be a curse for them too. Making more freedom greets every child to manage their time inaccurately or to do some bad habits like smoking, drinking or speaking with people without friendly. For example, one of my friends who is the only one child in his family never talks to anyone even to his parents with friendly and comes his home too late because of uncontrolled by his parents. To cut a long story short, unless individuals keep their children in control, they are highly likely to meet these kind of things. To conclude, as coin has two sides, even though it is plus for developing one's creativity, it brings bad habits. Personally, I do think that everything should be in its criterion.
Currently
, much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to youngsters is
rapidly
becoming the common situation in this globalization.
However
, this phenomenon is likely to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. This dual issues will find its analysis in this essay below.

First
and foremost, there are several reasons why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
could once be a mecca for children.
Firstly
and more
importantly
, due to the fact that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
during their studies or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in the period of their childhood, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity.
For instance
, I have an uncle who had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to his son for attending the drawing lessons
even though
he wanted him to be a doctor.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, he is
Consider using a past participle here: "pounded".
pound
of him owing to the fact that his son is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
painter in our country.

Despite these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, this might be a curse for them too. Making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
greets every child to manage their time
inaccurately
or to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking, drinking or speaking with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without friendly.
For example
, one of my friends who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
is
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one child in his family never talks to anyone even to his parents with friendly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
his home too late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of uncontrolled by his parents. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a long story short, unless individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their children in control, they are
highly
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of things.

To conclude
, as coin has two sides,
even though
it is plus for developing one's creativity, it brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
Personally
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everything should be in its criterion.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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