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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. v.28

Young people who finished high school and are starting university studies are encouraged by some countries to work or travel for a year. This is true especially in New Zealand where there is an option called “Working Holiday visa” that enables people from other countries to work and travel at the same time. The rapidly changing modern world made opportunities more accessible in the current generation that the youth are deemed fortunate to seize this option, yet it does not apply to all countries. Some people are taking this as a “stepping stone” toward their plan to immigrate in that particular country, or maximize their travel opportunities, or search and obtain a permanent work. This is favorable because this wasn’t a well-known opportunity in the past, especially in the case of developing countries like the Philippines where the economy in the 1970s grew and stabilized because of exporting Filipino nurses and OFWs to other countries, thus the focus was primarily on earning money to keep them and their families afloat. At present, having such a choice as travelling still has a number of factors that are worth examining. The option of a leisure time all year round can be taken and considered by students belonging to families of ample to abundant fortune since they have more resources to pursue it, whereas students from families who are financially struggling commonly choose to work – sometimes to provide support, and other times to become financially independent. Choosing to travel for a year may also have mental health benefits and may help a student ruminate on his/her career path, but it can also lead to complacency and feeling of being “stuck in the moment. ” Meanwhile, choosing to work at an early age may teach the value of hard work, a glimpse of reality of the working force, and saving what is earned; but it can also lead to burnout and feeling “lost. ” At the end of the day, choosing to work or travel or both for a year depend on one’s upbringing, beliefs, previous experiences that shaped one’s perspective on life, and financial situation. Such choice will be made based on what weighs more for the student.
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who finished high school and are starting university studies
are encouraged
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. This is true
especially
in New Zealand where there is an option called “Working Holiday visa” that enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
at the same time. The
rapidly
changing modern world made opportunities more accessible in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation that the youth
are deemed
fortunate to seize this option,
yet
it does not apply to all countries.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are taking this as a “stepping stone” toward their plan to immigrate in that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, or maximize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
opportunities, or search and obtain a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is favorable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this wasn’t a well-known opportunity in the past,
especially
in the case of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the Philippines where the economy in the 1970s grew and stabilized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of exporting Filipino nurses and OFWs to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
thus
the focus was
primarily
on earning money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them and their families afloat.

At present, having such a choice as travelling
still
has a number of factors that are worth examining. The option of a leisure time all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
round can
be taken
and considered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
belonging to families of ample to abundant fortune since they have more resources to pursue it, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from families who are
financially
struggling
commonly
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
–
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to provide support, and other times to become
financially
independent. Choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
may
also
have mental health benefits and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
ruminate on his/her career path,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
lead to complacency and feeling of being “stuck in the moment. ” Meanwhile, choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at an early age may teach the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, a glimpse of reality of the working force, and saving what
is earned
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
lead to burnout and feeling “lost. ”

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
or both for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
depend on one’s upbringing, beliefs, previous experiences that shaped one’s perspective on life, and financial situation. Such choice will
be made
based on what weighs more for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
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IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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