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young people are not only reacher, but also safer and healthier. however, they are less happy. what are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problem. v.1

young people are not only reacher, but also safer and healthier. however, they are less happy. what are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problem. v. 1
Despite possessing the necessary aspects of fulfilling life, such as fortune, safety and good health, young generation are still feeling unhappy. In this essay, some explanations for this trend as well as feasible solutions will be demonstrated. To begin with, several reasons can be attributed to this issue. Initial point to consider is that the young, today, misunderstand the concept of happiness. To clarify, they do not know exactly what happiness means, and thus, endeavour to search it through various wrong realms like money being obsessed with making it, work career being workaholic or internet being addicted to social media sites. However, they cannot come to terms with that none of the factors mentioned above can make them feel true emotions of joy as the relationship and social interactions can make. Instead, obsessions do make their life boring, frittering their valuable time away that can be, otherwise, spent with the family. Thus, I consider this to be the main resultant of unhappy life of the young today. With respect to the solutions to this trend, several proposals can be made. Firstly, I believe that when young individuals start appreciating the importance of their family and friends, the pleasure will be felt inevitable. Thus, the young should be encouraged to spend most of their time with their family by organizing some frequent trips and picnics where they can enjoy the moments passed with their siblings and parents, some inside jokes and the true love that exist only within the family atmosphere. By way of conclusion, I am convinced that there are some relevant reasons for this issue like the misconception of happiness, but viable solutions to make the young much happier.
Despite possessing the necessary aspects of fulfilling life, such as fortune, safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation are
still
feeling unhappy. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
explanations for this trend
as well
as feasible solutions will
be demonstrated
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, several reasons can
be attributed
to this issue. Initial point to consider is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, misunderstand the concept of happiness. To clarify, they do not know exactly what happiness means, and
thus
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to search it through various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
realms like money
being obsessed
with making it, work career being workaholic or internet
being addicted
to social media sites.
However
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to terms with that none of the factors mentioned above can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel true emotions of joy as the relationship and social interactions can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
.
Instead
, obsessions do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their life boring, frittering their valuable time away that can be,
otherwise
, spent with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, I consider this to be the main resultant of unhappy life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

With respect to the solutions to this trend, several proposals can
be made
.
Firstly
, I believe that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
appreciating the importance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends, the pleasure will
be felt
inevitable.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
should
be encouraged
to spend most of their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
frequent trips and picnics where they can enjoy the moments passed with their siblings and parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inside jokes and the true
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
that exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
atmosphere.

By way of conclusion, I
am convinced
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant reasons for this issue like the misconception of happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
viable solutions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
much happier.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay young people are not only reacher, but also safer and healthier. however, they are less happy. what are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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