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In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What are the causes of it? Write the possible solutions of it. v.2

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What are the causes of it? Write the possible solutions of it. v. 2
It is undeniable that in many countries, adolescents have to perform hard work to achieve success in their academic fields. There are two main reasons for this and in order to solve them parent's heaviness and competition among scholars should be reduced. On the one hand, there are two main contributing factors which put pupils under burden to attend lesson. Firstly, there are several families who do not understand the need of the leisure time for their children. They are only insisting juvenile to read hard and acquires good scores in the examination. They only allow very little spare time for playing to school kids. Hence, sometimes, parental thrust keeps young people in depression, anxiety and other mental disorders. Secondly, the competition level is rising high in every aspects of the world such as work places, universities, institutions and colleges. Although, it is better for Individuals which makes them success in future, it doesnot allow them to play and spend more time in their hobbies and interests. In addition, sometimes competition become higher among learners and causes negative impacts on their studies. As a result, they might involve in awful companies to decrease study overload. For instance, youngsters might be addicted to drugs, drinking alcohol and smoking. There are numerous measures to address this issue. Initially, father and mother should be perceived awareness of child desires. Likewise, they should be made a routine schedule of learning and leisure time. Moreover, in vacation time, leaders of house should encourage youth to go outside for hanging out with classmates, playing outdoor games and shopping with kiths and kins. Furthermore, ample of skills like cooking, knitting, singing should be taught to males and females despite of forcing to study all the time. Similarly, educators can treat each student equally in the colleges and universities. Following this, only healthy competitive surrounding should be created to supersede the learning strees. In conclusion, parental compression and competitive feeling should be reduced to mitigate the work load of classes. So, adequate days should be furnished to academy boys and girls.
It is undeniable that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to achieve success in their academic fields. There are two main reasons for this and in order to solve them parent's heaviness and competition among scholars should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

On the one hand, there are two main contributing factors which put pupils under burden to attend lesson.
Firstly
, there are several families who do not understand the need of the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their children. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
insisting juvenile to read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and acquires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores in the examination. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing to school kids.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, parental thrust
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in depression, anxiety and other mental disorders.
Secondly
, the competition level is rising high in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
of the world such as work places, universities, institutions and colleges. Although, it is better for Individuals which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them success
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesnot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to play and spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their hobbies and interests.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
competition become higher among learners and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their studies.
As a result
, they might involve in awful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to decrease study overload.
For instance
, youngsters might
be addicted
to drugs, drinking alcohol and smoking.

There are numerous measures to address this issue.
Initially
, father and mother should
be perceived
awareness of child desires.
Likewise
, they should
be made
a routine schedule of learning and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, in vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, leaders of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
should encourage youth to go outside for hanging out with classmates, playing outdoor games and shopping with
Possible spelling mistake found.
kiths
and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
.
Furthermore
, ample of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like cooking, knitting, singing should
be taught
to males and females
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
forcing to study all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Similarly
, educators can treat each student
equally
in the colleges and universities. Following this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
healthy competitive surrounding should
be created
to supersede the learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
strees
.

In conclusion
, parental compression and competitive feeling should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to mitigate the work load of classes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, adequate days should
be furnished
to academy boys and girls.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What are the causes of it? Write the possible solutions of it. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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