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In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard for their study. v.1

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard for their study. v. 1
In recent years, youngsters live a sedentary lifestyle due to their lack of time to relax even to play around with their peers. Moreover, the school duties sometimes bring them in full of pressure. I strongly believe that this case is caused by the parental pressure and university competition. Therefore, this essay will look into the causes provided by some solutions. Parents sometimes bring pressure toward the children’s life since parents demand the children to pursue a higher future career. They tend to encourage children to spend their time for study, even they are not afraid to spend money for children education. For instance, parents will put the children into several courses which are relevant to their study. They believe that bringing children to the course will pose a help to master their studies at school. Therefore, there is no spare time for young people to enjoy their life. On the one hand, university competition force students to study much harder since university just recruits or accepts students who have higher grades.   Entering university level will create a high competition among others nationally even internationally. Moreover, the university has a high standard as a requirement. Consequently, to gain the standard, young people should make good preparation. Therefore, it sometimes makes young people under-pressure even depression. They will try to do something that enables them to gain their goals such as study a lot. As the result, the best solution to cope with these problems is the awareness of parents. Parents should realise that their actions can cause anxiety and stress among the children. Therefore, bring back the role of parents is essential in this case. They should understand the children’s condition thus children can use their spare time to stress-relief such as go on vacation or hang out with their peers. Additionally, affirmative action is needed to overtake the university case. The government should expand the number of universities, thus it can reduce the competition level and young people would then have a variety of choices. As the result, youngsters would be able to spend their teenage time with joy and happiness. To sum up, the understanding between parents and children will bring a beautiful harmony and followed by a support from the government. Therefore, it is easy for youngsters to suffer from this problem.
In recent years, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle due to their lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax even to play around with their peers.
Moreover
, the school duties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
them in full of pressure. I
strongly
believe that this case
is caused
by the parental pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, this essay will look into the causes provided by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
pressure toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
demand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pursue a higher future career. They tend to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, even they are not afraid to spend money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
education.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into several courses which are relevant to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. They believe that bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the course will pose a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to master their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
at school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, there is no spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy their life.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
force students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
much harder since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
recruits or accepts students who have higher grades.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level will create a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among others
nationally
even
internationally
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has a high standard as a requirement.
Consequently
, to gain the standard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under-pressure even depression. They will try to do something that enables them to gain their goals such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a lot.

As the result, the best solution to cope with these problems is the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that their actions can cause anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
back the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is essential
in this case
. They should understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
condition
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-relief such as go on vacation or hang out with their peers.
Additionally
, affirmative action
is needed
to overtake the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
case. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should expand the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
thus
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
level and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would then have a variety of choices. As the result, youngsters would be able to spend their teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with joy and happiness.

To sum up, the understanding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
harmony and followed by a support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is easy for youngsters to suffer from this problem.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard for their study. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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