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In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue? v.1

In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue? v. 1
Few people say that global sport fair A considerable number of people believe that large shopping centres are good to meet up and for spending spare time. However, historically the trend was to go there only when required. In my opinion, this is not an adverse change. This essay shall cover reasons to show that this behaviour is not bad. Firstly, grand mall is well developed keeping all security aspects in mind. They have camera systems installed, security checkpoints, guards patrolling making it a safe place for everyone. For instance, walk down the road with your friends, or sitting in the park with family exposes as to risk of street crimes like snatching and harassment. Central surveillance systems in these shopping hubs make it less liking for such incidents to occur. So everyone can hang out with a peaceful mind. Moreover, shopping malls have a variety of stores under the same roof, allowing you to have a whole experience. You can plan your time off work according to your will without having to go different places taking the hassle of driving. For example, you can guy grocery, grab a sandwich, watch a movie and buy your favourite book all at once! And in this manner it saves both time and energy. People have been for long seeking secure places to spend their time with friends and family and such places provide just that. It possesses all the essentials to cover our shopping and entertainment needs. In conclusion, I would reinforce that this change in the society is a good one.
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that global sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
A considerable number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up and for spending spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
,
historically
the trend was to go there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when required. In my opinion, this is not an adverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. This essay shall cover reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Firstly
, grand mall is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
keeping all security aspects in mind. They have camera systems installed, security checkpoints, guards patrolling making it a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for everyone.
For instance
, walk down the road with your friends, or sitting in the park with family exposes as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of street crimes like snatching and harassment. Central surveillance systems in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
hubs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it less liking for such incidents to occur.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
everyone can hang out with a peaceful mind.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls have a variety of stores under the same roof, allowing you to have a whole experience. You can plan your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off work according to your will without having to go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
taking the hassle of driving.
For example
, you can guy grocery, grab a sandwich,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
book all at once! And in this manner it saves both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have been for long seeking secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends and family and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
that. It possesses all the essentials to cover our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and entertainment needs.
In conclusion
, I would reinforce that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the society is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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