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Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v.2

Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 2
It is paramount for youngsters to differentiate wrong from right at a young age. Penalizing them is relevant in helping to learn this difference. I agree with this statement because implementing discipline to children with punishments such as denying them access to their favourite objects could help prevent repetition of bad behaviour. Training the little ones to be aware of what is good or bad can be done by issuing them penalties for wrongdoing to prevent repetition of such behaviour. For instance, a young boy stole some stationery at school and he was caught and punished in front of the school assembly. The embarrassment he faced while being chastised may stop him from stealing again, thereby setting him on the right path by helping him understand the difference between right or wrong choices. Consequently, penalizing children for bad behaviour could assist in training them to be good citizens. Furthermore, punishments like depriving the young ones of their favourite items if they act terribly, is one method of discipline that the guardians and tutors could apply to correct them. This disciplinary act may help youngsters understand the consequences of being irresponsible. For example, when my 5 year old daughter who loves her toys and gadgets behaves badly I deny her access to these things and as a result of this, Ella realizes her mistake and apologizes immediately with a promise of being better behaved.  Therefore, enacting various penalties for poor behaviour could help in raising responsible children. In conclusion, it is sensible to say that implementing disciplinary actions on children by their parents or tutors helps them distinguish right from wrong and also train them to become responsible members of the society.
It is paramount for youngsters to differentiate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
at a young age. Penalizing them is relevant in helping to learn this difference. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
implementing discipline to children with punishments such as denying them access to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
objects could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
repetition of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Training the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to be aware of what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
can
be done
by issuing them penalties for wrongdoing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
repetition of such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For instance
, a young boy stole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stationery at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he
was caught
and punished in front of the school assembly. The embarrassment he faced while
being chastised
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
him from stealing again, thereby setting him on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
path by helping him understand the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices.
Consequently
, penalizing children for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
could assist in training them to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens.

Furthermore
, punishments like depriving the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
items if they act
terribly
, is one method of discipline that the guardians and tutors could apply to correct them. This disciplinary act may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
youngsters understand the consequences of being irresponsible.
For example
, when my 5 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
her toys and gadgets behaves
badly
I deny her access to these things and
as a result
of this, Ella realizes her mistake and apologizes immediately with a promise of being better behaved.  
Therefore
, enacting various penalties for poor
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in raising responsible children.

In conclusion
, it is sensible to say that implementing disciplinary actions on children by their parents or tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them distinguish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
also
train them to become responsible members of the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people try to balance between work and other parts of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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