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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 9
There are frequent talks about how much one can be happy with a lot of wealth, so what does make people happy? Some people believe that the main key to be happy is a great quantity of the fund. This essay will discuss how life can be happy with other things in life. To embark with, everyone in their lives, dreams about a luxurious lifestyle. Many people think that going to music concerts, pubs and parties are the things which can make them happy and subsequently to complete these requirements obviously should be sound financially. Furthermore, the advantage of being rich is they can get any facilities they required. For instance, the best health care treatment is beyond the purse of the common man. On the flip side, if the individual has earned enough for his daily needs, and he spends the rest of the earnings for other needy people, then the joy of giving always satisfy and make a person happier than a wealthy man. Having a happy family and sharing and enjoying blissful moments with them are the rainbow of life that everyone will prefer instead of a bundle of money. Moreover, money can buy the best health care, it cannot protect you from illness. For instance, if you are surrounded by people who think a lot of you then you will be able to enjoy a strong level of satisfaction in spite of your purse is empty or you are ill. As per the research of the Oxford research team, those people are joyful who have lots of friends and good family relations also they participate in social wellness. To conclude, admittedly, it is quite evident from the aforementioned instances that money buys you all the materialistic comforts in the world. Nevertheless, spending time with close ones and helping the impoverished could also bring delight.
There are frequent talks about how much one can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
what does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the main key to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is a great quantity of the fund.

This essay will discuss how life can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with other things in life.

To embark with, everyone in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, dreams about a luxurious lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that going to music concerts, pubs and parties are the things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and
subsequently
to complete these requirements
obviously
should be sound
financially
.
Furthermore
, the advantage of being rich is they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any facilities they required.
For instance
, the best health care treatment is beyond the purse of the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

On the flip side, if the individual has earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for his daily needs, and he spends the rest of the earnings for other needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, then the joy of giving always satisfy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person happier than a wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
family and sharing and enjoying blissful moments with them are the rainbow of life that everyone will prefer
instead
of a bundle of money.
Moreover
, money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the best health care, it cannot protect you from illness.

For instance
, if you
are surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
you then you will be able to enjoy a strong level of satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
your purse is empty or you are ill. As per the research of the Oxford research team, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are joyful who have lots of friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
family relations
also
they participate in social wellness.

To conclude
,
admittedly
, it is quite evident from the aforementioned instances that money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
you all the materialistic comforts in the world.
Nevertheless
, spending time with close ones and helping the impoverished could
also
bring delight.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 9

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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