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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.9

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 9
Peoples are divided on the issue that countries should encourage the young peoples to do jobs or to travel before attending university. Some people think that it is better for students to attend university, while others believe that travelling and working before joining the university for formal education is better for the students to understand the world. In my opinion, it is very important for students to develop communication, attain maturity and develop professional attitudes and the latter approach is the best way of achieving it. First of all, this will prepare the students for higher education. In the school student are no fully matured. Even some remain childish in thinking and behaviour. In the university, a student will meet with different types of peoples so there require a good understanding and mental maturity stage for that. The university campus provides special and deep knowledge of particular field which require hard working and learning capability. Because university education and teachers prepare the students to survive in the real world on his own basis any place, some prior travel and work experience would even accelerate it more. Moreover, it will make one to understand the professional life. This will provide important experience to a student to manage their studies with work, because in higher studies students have to finance their studies or to work in research laboratories. Working at a shop or small office will teach the students to understand the working pressure, cooperation with coworkers and complete the task in the schedule. In my school days I worked in a drug selling shop from where I learned how to convince and cool down the angry customer during selling. This proved to be a valuable experience in my university level. Finally, it gives the chance to improve communication skill. Communication skill is an important part not only at working areas, but also in learning centre. With excellent speaking and respecting attitudes, one can win the favour of opposing persons. Travelling makes the person to share views and learn various cultures, languages from other peoples. Exchanging opinion enriches one’s speaking ability. In summation, it is clear that pre-university jobs and travelling are vital experiences. These not only prepare one for civil life and toward maturity, but also make one to improve communication skill.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peoples
are divided
on the issue that countries should encourage the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
to do jobs or to travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, while others believe that travelling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for formal education is better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the world. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, attain maturity and develop professional attitudes and the latter approach is the best way of achieving it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this will prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for higher education. In the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are no
fully
matured. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remain childish in thinking and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there require a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding and mental maturity stage for that. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
campus provides special and deep knowledge of particular field which require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and learning capability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education and teachers prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to survive in the real world on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
basis any place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prior travel and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
would even accelerate it more.

Moreover
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one to understand the professional life. This will provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to manage their studies with work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in higher studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
finance their studies or to work in research laboratories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
at a shop or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
office will teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pressure, cooperation with coworkers and complete the task in the schedule. In my school days I worked in a drug selling shop from where I learned how to convince and cool down the angry customer during selling. This proved to be a valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level.

Finally
, it gives the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in learning
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. With excellent speaking and respecting attitudes, one can win the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of opposing persons. Travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person to share views and learn various cultures, languages from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
. Exchanging opinion enriches one’s speaking ability.

In summation, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-university
jobs and travelling are vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. These not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prepare one for civil life and toward maturity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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