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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v.6

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v. 6
It is always better if the individuals are capable to take their own decisions. Most of the country's believe that teenagers must be encouraged to work or go for some vacation during the time after their high school and starting university education. There are lots of advantages if one utilise their holiday time. I will discuss the reasons in the following passage. On one hand, in some country's young people are motivated to travel or to find some work to earn money by themselves as their pocket money. Here, people also choose to travel different new places to grasp knowledge about their cultures, importance of their festivals, about their clothing and so on. At the same time, they should not get diverted to any negative activities during their holidays. Besides travelling and work, this also makes the young one's experience to live independently. Firstly, youngsters must be allowed to take their decision about how to utilise their leisure time after studies and before going to university studies. Here, by giving choice to them we can know their interest. Secondly, during this time they can also learn other cultural activities regardless of studies. Indirectly, this will help one to improve their talent in different aspects. At the same time, they can also utilise this vacation period to improve their drawbacks in their studies. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that the advantages overweigh the disadvantages. So in my perception parents should always encourage their children to be able to handle all kinds of situations and to be independent.
It is always better if the individuals are capable to take their
own
decisions. Most of the country's
believe
that
teenagers
must
be encouraged
to work or go for
some
vacation during the
time
after their high school and starting university education. There are lots of advantages if one
utilise
their holiday
time
. I will discuss the reasons in the following passage.

On one hand, in
some
country's young
people
are motivated
to travel or to find
some
work to earn money by themselves as their pocket money. Here,
people
also
choose to travel
different
new places to grasp knowledge about their cultures, importance of their festivals, about their clothing and
so
on. At the same
time
, they should not
get
diverted to any
negative
activities during their holidays.

Besides
travelling and work, this
also
makes
the young one's experience to
live
independently
.
Firstly
, youngsters
must
be
allowed
to take their decision about how to
utilise
their leisure
time
after studies and
before
going to university studies. Here, by giving choice to them we can know their interest.

Secondly
, during this
time
they can
also
learn other cultural activities regardless of studies.
Indirectly
, this will
help
one to
improve
their talent in
different
aspects. At the same
time
, they can
also
utilise
this vacation period to
improve
their drawbacks in their studies.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that the advantages
overweigh
the disadvantages.
So
in my perception parents should always encourage their children to be able to handle all kinds of situations and to be independent.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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