Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v.6

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v. 6
It is always better if the individuals are capable to take their own decisions. Most of the country's believe that teenagers must be encouraged to work or go for some vacation during the time after their high school and starting university education. There are lots of advantages if one utilise their holiday time. I will discuss the reasons in the following passage. On one hand, in some country's young people are motivated to travel or to find some work to earn money by themselves as their pocket money. Here, people also choose to travel different new places to grasp knowledge about their cultures, importance of their festivals, about their clothing and so on. At the same time, they should not get diverted to any negative activities during their holidays. Besides travelling and work, this also makes the young one's experience to live independently. Firstly, youngsters must be allowed to take their decision about how to utilise their leisure time after studies and before going to university studies. Here, by giving choice to them we can know their interest. Secondly, during this time they can also learn other cultural activities regardless of studies. Indirectly, this will help one to improve their talent in different aspects. At the same time, they can also utilise this vacation period to improve their drawbacks in their studies. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that the advantages overweigh the disadvantages. So in my perception parents should always encourage their children to be able to handle all kinds of situations and to be independent.
It is always better if the individuals are capable to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. Most of the country's
The word 'believe' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "belief"?
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to work or go for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vacation during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after their high school and starting university education. There are lots of advantages if one
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I will discuss the reasons in the following passage.

On one hand, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country's young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are motivated
to travel or to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work to earn money by themselves as their pocket money. Here,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
choose to travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
new places to grasp knowledge about their cultures, importance of their festivals, about their clothing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted to any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
activities during their holidays.

Besides
travelling and work, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the young one's experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
.
Firstly
, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take their decision about how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after studies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to university studies. Here, by giving choice to them we can know their interest.

Secondly
, during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they can
also
learn other cultural activities regardless of studies.
Indirectly
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their talent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
this vacation period to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their drawbacks in their studies.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that the advantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my perception parents should always encourage their children to be able to handle all kinds of situations and to be independent.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts