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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 101 v.42

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 101 v. 42
Students in certain countries are suggested to take a year off after completing high school to work, travel and, more importantly, to gain practical experience before kicking off being a freshman at university. This trend comprises of both positive and negative aspects. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits for the young people who decide on it. On the one hand, that youngsters spend time working and experiencing real life prior to entering the higher education is believed to be beneficial in terms of the development of social and practical skills. Firstly, adolescents who have been exposed to diverse cultural traditions and a variety of people can broaden their horizons. Consequently, it comes as no surprise that they stand a higher chance of being employed and moving up the ladder compared to those who merely sit behind the desk and gain only theoretical knowledge. Secondly, taking a part-time job is also a great chance to lessen the family financial burden. Specifically, they can afford the accommodation by themselves without family’s help. On the other hand, despite the aforementioned benefits, it is worth considering that taking a gap year is quite disadvantageous somehow. In some circumstances, the temptation of money may appeal to school-leavers who have yet to be able to determine which is more important to their life, earning a living or studying. As a result, they tend to contribute most of their time to making money, which probably leads to bad results at school or even drop out of schools. In further consideration, it is the problem of not only the poor studying performance, but also harmful habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol and so on due to a sudden increase in their purchasing power. In conclusion, having a break is a considerable encouragement to those before starting university life, but there are pros and cons of a gap year.
Students in certain countries
are suggested
to take a year off after completing high school to work, travel and, more
importantly
, to gain practical experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
kicking off being a freshman at university. This trend
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits for the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide on it.

On the one hand, that youngsters spend time working and experiencing real life prior to entering the higher education
is believed
to be beneficial in terms of the development of social and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Firstly
, adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
been exposed
to diverse cultural traditions and a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can broaden their horizons.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as no surprise that they stand a higher chance of
being employed
and moving up the ladder compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
merely
sit behind the desk and gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical knowledge.
Secondly
, taking a part-time job is
also
a great chance to lessen the family financial burden.
Specifically
, they can afford the accommodation by themselves without family’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

On the other hand
, despite the aforementioned benefits, it is worth considering that taking a gap year is quite disadvantageous somehow. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, the temptation of money may appeal to school-leavers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
yet
to be able to determine which is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to their life, earning a living or studying.
As a result
, they tend to contribute most of their time to making money, which
probably
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results at school or even drop out of schools. In
further
consideration, it is the problem of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the poor studying performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
harmful habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on due to a sudden increase in their purchasing power.

In conclusion
, having a break is a considerable encouragement to those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are pros and cons of a gap year.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 101 v. 42

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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