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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.36

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 36
In some nations is traditional that the students that have finished high school work or travel for one year. Overall, people that are encouraged with this idea is because they believe that it could help to teenager to get more maturity due to they could understand how live adults. On the other hand, others disagree with this idea, for the reason that consider that is a waste of time. However, I believe that if a person begins to relate to adult life, probably they would be an input. Countries that don’t have this practice is mainly because they are more concerned about the economy. For a trip it’s necessary to have a great amount of money saved. Also, in this places parents is worried about that their children can go to university as soon as possible, due to be a professional would mean being a person better pay. In Chile, for instance, students are pressured to go to college, even they aren’t sure if want to study. Conversely, in sites where is typical travel or work when you are 18 years old, likely they are a civilized society. In my opinion, this behaviour is related to developing countries, which have understood that time is more relevant than money, and you never can come back the clock. I believe that a break is a good opportunity to grow as a person, for the reason that you obtain comprehension, tolerance and learn about other cultures. In conclusion, take a sabbatical when an adolescent end their studies have advantages and disadvantages. Nevertheless, I agree with the idea that youngs travel or work for one year, because by the time, this help them to learn knowledge that is more important than the subjects that are taught in the university.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations is traditional that the students that have finished high school work or travel for one year.
Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
are encouraged
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more maturity due to they could understand how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
adults.
On the other hand
, others disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, for the reason that consider
that is
a waste of time.
However
, I believe that if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to relate to adult life,
probably
they would be an input.

Countries that don’t have this practice is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more concerned about the economy. For a trip it’s necessary to have a great amount of money saved.
Also
, in
Did you mean "these"?
this
places parents
is worried
about that their children can go to university as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, due to be a professional would mean being a person better pay. In Chile,
for instance
, students
are pressured
to go to college, even they aren’t sure if want to study.

Conversely
, in sites where is typical travel or work when you are 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, likely they are a civilized society. In my opinion, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is related
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, which have understood that time is more relevant than money, and you never can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back the clock. I believe that a break is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to grow as a person, for the reason that you obtain comprehension, tolerance and learn about other cultures.

In conclusion
, take a sabbatical when an adolescent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their studies have advantages and disadvantages.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
travel or work for one year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by the time, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn knowledge
that is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the subjects that
are taught
in the university.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 36

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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