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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.34

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 34
Few countries are boosting teenagers to travel or work for a year during the period between School education and University higher studies. There are several advantages, which motivate the students and give them the best exposure. At the same time, the disadvantages should also be considered, where they lose interest to study. Below points will discuss on both. While listing the advantages, when a person after completing higher secondary is given an opportunity to work for one year tenure, before entering College, he has got numerous benefits. He or She is supposed to interact with many people, make friends, build new connections, learn the work culture, the importance of the job and exposed to the outside world. Therefore, all these things help the students to develop skills themselves and will pave a way for building a career path on their own. For instance, one of my cousins had a chance to travel to a new country, which benefited her in various ways to strengthen her profession. She pursued her under graduation once returned and got placed in a multinational company, which is her dream job. Hence the freedom given to them has to be utilized efficiently and diligently. On the contrary, the pitfalls of sending them out also has to be acknowledged and carefully addressed. When they started to work and get settled in the workplace, their mindset tends to change and that might lead to the loss of interest in studies. In addition to that, it would be difficult to adapt to the College environment, this attitude is not healthy and cannot be encouraged as they are in the significant phase of life. At this point of time, parents and caretakers should give proper guidance and show right path. Based on my experience, one of my colleagues moved to her aunt's place for working, and there, she liked the job extremely and does not want to return. Her entire family tried to bring her back, but all their efforts ended up in vain and she continued working in the same company. Hence, when young people are given an opportunity to travel or persuade a job before graduation, care should be taken by the guardians and also the decision depends on the nature of the individuals. Students should be able to cope up with the work and education.
Few countries are boosting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a year during the period between School education and University higher studies. There are several advantages, which motivate the students and give them the best exposure. At the same time, the disadvantages should
also
be considered
, where they lose interest to study. Below points will discuss on both.

While listing the advantages, when a person after completing higher secondary is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for one year tenure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering College, he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
numerous benefits. He or She
is supposed
to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends, build new connections, learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture, the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and exposed to the outside world.
Therefore
, all these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the students to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
themselves and will pave a way for building a career path on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
, one of my cousins had a chance to travel to a new country, which benefited her in various ways to strengthen her profession. She pursued her under graduation once returned and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
placed in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which is her dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be utilized
efficiently
and
diligently
.

On the contrary
, the pitfalls of sending them out
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be acknowledged
and
carefully
addressed. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled in the workplace, their mindset tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and that might lead to the loss of interest in studies.
In addition
to that, it would be difficult to adapt to the College environment, this attitude is not healthy and cannot
be encouraged
as they are in the significant phase of life. At this point of time, parents and caretakers should give proper guidance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
right path. Based on my experience, one of my colleagues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to her aunt's place for working, and there, she liked the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
extremely
and does not want to return. Her entire family tried to bring her back,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all their efforts ended up in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vain and
she continued working in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Hence
, when young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to travel or persuade a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduation, care should
be taken
by the guardians and
also
the decision depends on the nature of the individuals. Students should be able to cope up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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