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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.30

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 30
Taking a year off to work or to travel is common for adolescents before tertiary education. They can benefit from its positive sides, whereas this tendency may also have disadvantageous sides which will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, there are some major advantages of taking a break after graduating from high school. First and foremost, Young people become independent by travelling, meaning that, juveniles do not have anybody to guide them while they are away from their parents. It creates an opportunity for them to make their decisions individually independently. As a result, it will become easier for informal to adapt to university life. Furthermore, there might be the chance to attain work experience which will be a good point to add to their resume. For instance, working as an intern after leaving high school may aid adolescents, especially in the field in which they are going to resume their studies. On the other hand, some negative outcomes that derive from taking a gap year before tertiary studies also exist. The main concern is that this break may threaten a disruption for ongoing education. If juveniles do not study continuously, the knowledge that they gained throughout the school years will be diminished. Consequently, this gap may lead to some difficulties in starting and adapting to one’s university program. Secondly, since teenagers make their own living by suspending their education process, they are inclined to get carried away by bad habits, namely smoking, alcohol consumption and drug addiction. To conclude, not only can young people reap benefits from taking a break before starting academic studies, specifically attaining liberty and work experience, but they may also get into troublesome situations, such as not being able to acclimate an academic year and triggering bad habits.
Taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off to work or to travel is common for adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
tertiary education. They can benefit from its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, whereas this tendency may
also
have disadvantageous sides which will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major advantages of taking a break after graduating from high school.
First
and foremost, Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become independent by travelling, meaning that, juveniles do not have anybody to guide them while they are away from their parents. It creates an opportunity for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their decisions
individually
independently
.
As a result
, it will become easier for informal to adapt to university life.
Furthermore
, there might be the chance to attain work experience which will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
point to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to their resume.
For instance
, working as an intern after leaving high school may aid adolescents,
especially
in the field in which they are going to resume their studies.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes that derive from taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
tertiary studies
also
exist. The main concern is that this break may threaten a disruption for ongoing education. If juveniles do not study
continuously
, the knowledge that they gained throughout the school years will
be diminished
.
Consequently
, this gap may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in starting and adapting to one’s university program.
Secondly
, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living by suspending their education process, they
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits,
namely
smoking, alcohol consumption and drug addiction.

To conclude
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reap benefits from taking a break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting academic studies,
specifically
attaining liberty and work experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into troublesome situations, such as not being able to acclimate an academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and triggering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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