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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.27

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 27
Generally, in the past, after graduating from high school, students usually have already chosen for them an ideal educational institution. Then, they studied right away. But nowadays, an increasing number of students are concerned about taking a year off and exploring other options. On the one hand, travelling or working helps a person to broaden his or her horizons, to see and explore many new cultures. As a result, they can learn more things which are only in real life. They can find out more about their advantages and decide on their future. It also allows us to appreciate aspects of our own culture that we previously took for granted; because only by working and exploring by ourselves do we understand how significant the lessons our grandparents left for us. But on the other hand, there is the risk that taking time off may cloud the student's mind by presenting him or her with too many options. Young minds are often dreamy and impressionable. Besides, after being off school for a long time, their desire to go back to academy may become less appealing, which could negatively impact their long-term job opportunities. In the end, I feel that the decision depends on what the individual wants to achieve in life. Some people want to explore the challenges or improve their social skills, whereas some others want to learn intensively in the academy. There is no "one size fits all" prescription. I want to explore the outside world of school. However, I also commit to an educational institution education afterward. To summarize, we must be careful not to make this into a black and white issue. Instead, each person should think carefully about which course of action, suits them best determine to follow the way chosen.
Generally
, in the past, after graduating from high school, students
usually
have already chosen for them an ideal educational institution. Then, they studied right away.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, an increasing number of students
are concerned
about taking a year off and exploring other options.

On the one hand, travelling or working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person to broaden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
horizons, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new cultures.
As a result
, they can learn more things which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in real life. They can find out more about their advantages and decide on their future. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to appreciate aspects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture that we previously took for granted;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by working and exploring by ourselves do we understand how significant the lessons our grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for us.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other hand
, there is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that taking time off may cloud the student's mind by presenting him or her with too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options. Young minds are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
dreamy and impressionable.
Besides
, after being off school for a long time, their desire to go back to academy may become less appealing, which could
negatively
impact their long-term job opportunities.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I feel that the decision depends on what the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to achieve in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to explore the challenges or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to learn
intensively
in the academy. There is no
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
one size fits all
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
prescription. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to explore the outside world of school.
However
, I
also
commit to an educational institution education afterward.

To summarize
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this into a black and white issue.
Instead
, each person should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
about which course of action, suits them best determine to follow the way chosen.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 27

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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