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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.23

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 23
It is apparent that in some of the countries, parents and teachers encourage children to take a year to study or visit after their schooling and before entering into the university studies. In this essay, I will discuss some of the benefits And negatives resulting from this trend. Firstly, looking at some of the significant benefits, when children take a year of time to travel or work, they will have ample time to find their interests and decide what they intend to become in their life and know the real world. This is because they have not had an adequate time to see what the real world is as they have been studying their studies since they were very young and they are exposed with little real-world knowledge which is vital in these days. To illustrate this, a recent survey done by National Geography revealed that those children who took a year of time to travel or work are extremely happier in their work than those who did not this opportunity. If children did not take any time to travel or work after school, they might regret in their life that they should have studied something that would have helped them in life, they might choose to finish their university studies without knowing what they are interested in and they might not have an opportunity to interact with the professional in the workplace. However, there are some negatives associated with this. Firstly, they may be distracted by different things, making them shift their focus on other things since they are exposed to a lot of things around them. Secondly, they may feel uncomfortable with others and lag behind their peers in studies since they study with one year younger students. Finally, they can sometimes discontinue their studies as they may lose their interests in studies In conclusion, although they can reap some benefits such as choosing to study what are willing to, negatives should be taken into account when making a decision about travelling or working for a year before their university study.
It is apparent that in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
countries, parents and teachers encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or visit after their schooling and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering into the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
benefits


And negatives resulting from this trend.

Firstly
, looking at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
significant benefits, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they will have ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to find their interests and decide what they intend to become in their life and know the real world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not had an adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what the real world is as they have been studying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
since they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they
are exposed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
real-world knowledge which is vital in these days. To illustrate this, a recent survey done by National Geography revealed that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are
extremely
happier in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than those who did not this opportunity. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
did not take any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after school, they might regret in their life that they should have studied something that would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them in life, they might choose to finish their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
without knowing what they
are interested
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
in and
they might not have an opportunity to interact with the professional in the workplace.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives associated with this.
Firstly
, they may
be distracted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things, making them shift their focus on other things since they
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things around them.
Secondly
, they may feel uncomfortable with others and lag behind their peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
younger students.
Finally
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
discontinue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as they may lose their interests in studies

In conclusion
, although they can reap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
what are willing to, negatives should
be taken
into account when making a decision about travelling or working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 23

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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