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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v.22

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 22
It is certainly true that the number of students who intend to work before entering have increased considerably. This is because, in some countries, students have been encouraged to such behaviour based on an immense amount of satisfaction could be gained with work in early age. Whereas, other countries strongly against for this sort of reckless advice. This essay will discuss this issue in both positive and negative sides. A common criticism of motivating young people to work or travel before the university’s stage is confusing them to choose which field of study suitable them well. One reason for this, jobs would probably change pupil’s view contemporary owing to a factor of money, which to a large extent encourage student to go for a high paid field rather than others which really they talent in. Another object of this is a detrimental effect which influences catastrophically on students’ personality which absolutely unprepared for such stressful situation. In spite of those negative effects, working and travelling abroad before going into collage have brought much more benefits. One such benefit is helping them to be self-assured and more confident in their capability not just in work but also in all life terms. As evidence of that, many surveys indicate that who works have taken more responsibilities alongside with more professional abilities in education particularly in analytical and cognitive skills. In conclusion, although several communities to prevent young people work under eighteen, I am strongly in favour encouraging them to work in specific positions definitely under a regulated and coordinated system monitoring this process to ensure a more effective results in students’ abilities before starting university.
It is
certainly
true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who intend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
entering have increased
considerably
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
been encouraged
to such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
based on an immense amount of satisfaction could
be gained
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in early age. Whereas, other countries
strongly
against for this sort of reckless advice. This essay will discuss this issue in both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.

A common criticism of motivating young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the university’s stage is confusing them to choose which field of study suitable them well. One reason for this, jobs would
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
pupil’s view contemporary owing to a factor of money, which to a large extent encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to go for a high paid field
rather
than others which
really
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they talent
in. Another object of this is a detrimental effect which influences
catastrophically
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
personality which
absolutely
unprepared for such stressful situation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, working and travelling abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
going into collage have brought much more benefits. One such benefit is helping them to be self-assured and more confident in their capability not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in all life terms. As evidence of that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surveys indicate that who works have taken more responsibilities alongside with more professional abilities in education
particularly
in analytical and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, although several communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under eighteen, I am
strongly
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
encouraging them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in specific positions definitely under a regulated and coordinated system monitoring this process to ensure a more effective results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
abilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
starting university.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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