Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this v.17

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this v. 17
People in few countries have this perception that if students are directed, to spend their time in doing some jobs or travel the world, before getting into the college, after high school. It would be beneficial for the students to make them refresh after schooling, but this long time gap from studies could make them feel not concentrated, while studying. After attending schools and studying in an extensive manner till the high school, could cause some disturbance in the student's mind. It requires some kind of break, to rejuvenate all the energy. Also, if you work somewhere, you get to interact with some new people and by doing this, you also learn about social behaviour. It has been analysed that the college students who work before getting admission in the college, do well in the college in their academics. So, it could we a better idea to take a free time and do some work and may be travel around the world, to make yourself fresh for the next. Although there are some merits of taking a break before the college, It could cost the student in a very problematic way. Students could loss their focus after such a long gap, some college does not take students who generally have one or two years of gap. There has been some incidents recorded by a survey group in Delhi that more than 200 students did not get into the college due to a year gap. Some students were not even able to finish their graduation in a given amount of time, due to lack of concentration. In conclusion, Although there has been some disadvantages of taking a break after the high school, a number of advantages of it is more than its demerits. So, In my opinion, If someone is taking a gap before the college, it would be a great decision taken by him and his family to make himself learn more about the life by travelling the world and by doing some work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in few countries have this perception that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are directed
, to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs or travel the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
getting into the college, after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. It would be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them refresh after schooling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
from studies could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel not concentrated, while studying.

After attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and studying
Consider replacing "in an extensive manner" with the adverb for "extensive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an extensive manner
till the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, could cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disturbance in the student's mind. It requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of break, to rejuvenate all the energy.
Also
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
somewhere, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and by doing this, you
also
learn about social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
that the college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
getting admission in the college, do well in the college in their academics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it could we a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to take a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and may be travel around the world, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
yourself fresh for the
next
.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits of taking a break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the college, It could cost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
problematic way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
could
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
their focus after such a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
college does not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
generally
have one or two years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
. There has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incidents recorded by a survey group in Delhi that more than 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the college due to a year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were not even able to finish their graduation in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, due to lack of concentration.

In conclusion
, Although there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of taking a break after the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, a number of advantages of it is more than its demerits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, In my opinion, If someone is taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the college, it would be a great decision taken by him and his family to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
himself learn more about the life by travelling the world and by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts