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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for young people who decide to do this? v.16

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for young people who decide to do this? v. 16
Is travelling for a year between finishing high school and starting university study waste of time and unbeneficial? While some of people believe that, I am of the opinion that it has tremendous benefits. In this essay, I will firstly discuss how it will enhance students' personality, then, I will discuss how it can help them studying what they want in the university. To begin with, travelling for a year before starting university studies can help students to improve their personality and communication skills. This is due to the face that they will meet new people from different cultures and face new cases that they may have never faced before. As a result, they most likely will gain a better life experience than students who did not travel. For instance, research from the University of Jordan showed that students who travel during the summer that between finishing school and starting university have better life skills than who did not. To clarify, travelling has wonderful pros, such as it can help students to enhance their life skills. Furthermore, travelling can help students to gain some money, which may help them to complete their bachelor study. In fact, studying some majors is extremely expensive, which lead many students who do not have enough money to study a subject that different than their favourite one because of money. For example, a report from a local television station called Al Jazeera illustrated that more than 30% of the student who are studying in the Jordanian universities, are studying a course that they did not want from the start, but they did not have the required money that allows them to study what they want. Clearly, this feature may allow you collect some money that may help you complete your favourite university degree. To conclude, I am convinced that allowing students to travel after completing their secondary studies has remarkable advantages. It can make them better people, which allow them to face the life in a better way. In addition, it could help them to collect some money to start studying their desired university course.
Is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for a year between finishing high school and starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
waste of time and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unbeneficial
? While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, I am of the opinion that it has tremendous benefits. In this essay, I will
firstly
discuss how it will enhance students' personality, then, I will discuss how it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
The verb 'how' is used with an infinitive: "to study" or "study".
studying
what they want in the university.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personality and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This is due to the face that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and face new cases that they may have never faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
As a result
, they most likely will gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not travel.
For instance
, research from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Jordan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel during the summer that between finishing school and starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not. To clarify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
has wonderful pros, such as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to complete their bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
majors is
extremely
expensive, which lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a subject that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, a report from a local television station called Al Jazeera illustrated that more than 30% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the Jordanian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a course that they did not want from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not have the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
what they want.
Clearly
, this feature may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you complete your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree.

To conclude
, I
am convinced
that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to travel after completing their secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
has remarkable advantages. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.
In addition
, it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
course.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for young people who decide to do this? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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