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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v.12

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v. 12
Before embarking on college many young people are advised that a year working or travelling may be a good option. This essay will suggest that saving money is the biggest advantage and a reduced motivation to study is the primary disadvantage. Tertiary education is very expensive and lots of students decide to work for 12 months and save up money before they begin their studies. This allows them to pay for their living costs, tuition fees and accommodation and focus on their studies, rather than struggle financially or have to get a part time job on top of their academic work. The Times recently reported that the average student at a UK university requires over $12, 000 per annum just to survive and many drop out because they cannot afford to stay. Despite these advantages, many students often get used to working or travelling and don’t want to return to a life of study after a year off. This short term view can cause some to bypass the university altogether and go straight into a job that is beneath their capabilities or may not offer the same prospects their future career might have done. For instance, a recent survey by the British Government found that 26% of students who take a gap-year never enter tertiary education. In conclusion, taking a break from studies can be advantageous if it allows people to gather up savings, however, they should also be careful that it does not lead to disillusionment with education altogether.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
embarking on college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are advised
that a year working or travelling may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option. This essay will suggest that saving money is the biggest advantage and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is the primary disadvantage.

Tertiary education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide to work for 12 months and save up money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to pay for their living costs, tuition fees and accommodation and focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
rather
than struggle
financially
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job on top of their academic work. The Times recently reported that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
at a UK university requires over $12, 000 per annum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to survive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drop out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford to stay.

Despite these advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to working or travelling and don’t want to return to a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
after a year off. This short term view can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to bypass the university altogether and go straight into a job
that is
beneath their capabilities or may not offer the same prospects their future career might have done.
For instance
, a recent survey by the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
found that 26% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take a gap-year never enter tertiary education.

In conclusion
, taking a break from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can be advantageous if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "gather".
gather up
savings,
however
, they should
also
be careful that it does not lead to disillusionment with education altogether.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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