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In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v.6

In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v. 6
In recent days, there are so many talentless people come to entertainment industries. It is easy for them to gain popularity compared with the other entertainers.   Some assert that talentless artist becomes rich and famous and the genuine talent will not be appreciated again. I personally disagree with this viewpoint and this essay will look into the reasons together with some considerations. The first reason is that talent-less people obtain popularity for the short period of time. In my point of view, they cannot survive in the real competition with people who already have a remarkable talent in the entertainment industry. They are just becoming popular because of the role of media instead of their capabilities. For instance, there are some Indonesian artists becoming famous because of creating controversial issues. They have no capability which enables people to impress on them, thus it is quite easy for society to forget them. Meanwhile, talented entertainers will keep producing and showing their ability and capability so people will put more appreciation towards their performances. Another reason is that the usage of technological enables people to show up and it is easy for them to attract society and to become a well-known person. Moreover, technology can make talent-less people look like a professional artist. Take being a singer as an example, when people have no ability to be a singer, technology usage can edit and perform their voice as a professional singer. I truly believe that they will not stay longer in their popularity because society is able to differentiate people who have great talent or not. Therefore, they cannot replace the position of the talented artist in society. To sum up, to be a famous person, people should have the capability which can impress people thus it enables them to survive in that kind of life.
In recent days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
talentless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to entertainment industries. It is easy for them to gain popularity compared with the other entertainers.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that
Possible spelling mistake found.
talentless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
becomes rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and the genuine talent will not
be appreciated
again. I
personally
disagree with this viewpoint and this essay will look into the reasons together with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations.

The
first
reason is that talent-less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtain popularity for the short period of time. In my point of view, they cannot survive in the real competition with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who already have a remarkable talent in the entertainment industry. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
becoming popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the role of media
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capabilities
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of creating controversial issues. They have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capability
which enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to impress on them,
thus
it is quite easy for society to forget them. Meanwhile, talented entertainers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
producing and showing their ability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will put more appreciation towards their performances.

Another reason is that the usage of technological enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up and it is easy for them to attract society and to become a well-known person.
Moreover
, technology can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
talent-less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look like a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
. Take being a singer as an example, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no ability to be a singer, technology usage can edit and perform their voice as a professional singer. I
truly
believe that they will not stay longer in their popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
society is able to differentiate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have great talent or not.
Therefore
, they cannot replace the position of the talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
in society.

To sum up, to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capability
which can impress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thus
it enables them to survive in that kind of life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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