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In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v.1

In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v. 1
In current years, the world of entertainment has become a highly fashionable trend. The belief that everyone is capable of doing any kind of thing in arts -music, literature, acting, art, and so on- has become a mainstream attitude. Undoubtedly, pure talent is no longer valued or appreciated as many untalented people become wealthy and popular. As regards this case, I personally disagree with this phenomena which I will further scrutinise the reasons along with related examples. The first reason which I want to propose is the fact that people without any talent on arts will likely degrade the value of arts. As we acknowledge that arts are abstract concepts which require the sense of aesthetic from the inside and outer sides. I strongly believe that even they take certain education degree in arts, yet the nature of talent speaks louder than the nurtured ones. As the result, less talented artists most likely produce a burst of plain performances. A good example of this is the increasing number of instant artists entering the entertainment industry which basically solely requires their beautiful face and body as the prerequisites. Another reason is that this issue will deplete creativity which tends to create a soap opera instead of a masterpiece. We can see this in the recent phenomena when people just easily upload their wacky sensational video on YouTube to elevate their popularity. Indeed, there are no remarkable arts in it. It is true that some scholars state that people without any initial talent can gain it through education both formal and informal courses. However, some other experts prove that no talent unlikely can compete with the genuine ones. For instance, Beyonce who is widely known as one of the most talented singers stays everlasting in her career rather than the YouTube’s instant artist who mostly fade away in a short time. To sum up, I disagree that untalented people enter the entertainment industry as nature and nurture are mutually exclusive in many ways. I believe that pure talent must be more appreciated in a wider proportion.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
years, the world of entertainment has become a
highly
fashionable trend. The belief that everyone is capable of doing any kind of thing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
-music, literature, acting,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on- has become a mainstream attitude.
Undoubtedly
, pure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is no longer valued or appreciated as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
untalented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become wealthy and popular. As regards this case, I
personally
disagree with
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena which I will
further
Possible spelling mistake. 'scrutinise' is British English.
scrutinise
the reasons along with related examples.

The
first
reason which I want to propose is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
will likely degrade the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. As we acknowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are abstract concepts which require the sense of aesthetic from the inside and outer sides. I
strongly
believe that even they take certain education degree in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
yet
the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
speaks louder than the nurtured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. As the result, less talented artists most likely produce a burst of plain performances. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is the increasing number of instant artists entering the entertainment industry which
basically
solely
requires their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
face and body as the prerequisites. Another reason is that this issue will deplete creativity which tends to create a soap opera
instead
of a masterpiece. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this in the recent phenomena when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
easily
upload their wacky sensational video on YouTube to elevate their popularity.
Indeed
, there are no remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in it.

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
can gain it through education both formal and informal courses.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other experts prove that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
unlikely can compete with the genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beyonce
who is
widely
known as one of the most talented singers stays everlasting in her career
rather
than the YouTube’s instant artist who
mostly
fade away in a short time.

To sum up, I disagree that untalented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter the entertainment industry as nature and nurture are
mutually
exclusive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. I believe that pure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be more appreciated in a wider proportion.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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