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In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v.2

In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v. 2
It is true that natural talents or skills probably can guarantee the future career of people especially in music, entertainment industries, literature etc. However, some people believe that they probably can be successful without having a skill or certain talent. I personally agree to say that people might achieve their goals of life without having a talent in terms of several reasons. The first reason is that it is not talent that can guarantee someone’s success particularly in entertainment industries but the major factor is all about popularity. The popularity can be gained by doing such unusual action that may attract people’s attention loving to see or enjoy it. For example, there are some artists or actors are hired by the film production not because of their talents, moreover, it goes to the unique character of those persons that enable them playing comedian film. The second reason is that the point of networking plays very important role in succeeding someone’s career in entertainment industry or arts. By having networks, we can easily get a job even though we do not have natural or genuine talents because people will recruit people who they know well by considering relationship and friendship values. For example, there are so many people sitting on the strategic position in a company because they have a closer relationship with the boss or managers. However, it is true that talented and skilled people probably tend to work professionally but talents and skills can be replaced by popularity and networks which lead them to have a job sooner and the professionalism will be gained during the experience in working or can be possessed through training provided by those companies. In short, popularity and networks tend to bring people having a wide opportunity in the job market and I believe that those kinds of things probably replace the existence of talents or skills as well as bring them to the prosperous and successful life.
It is true that natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
can guarantee the future career of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
in music, entertainment industries, literature etc.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
can be successful without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
or certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might achieve their goals of life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
in terms of several reasons.

The
first
reason is that it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
that can guarantee someone’s success
particularly
in entertainment industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the major factor is all about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
can
be gained
by doing such unusual action that may attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention loving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or enjoy it.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artists or actors
are hired
by the film production not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
,
moreover
, it goes to the unique character of those persons that enable them playing comedian film.

The second reason is that the point of networking plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in succeeding someone’s career in entertainment industry or arts. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
networks, we can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
even though
we do not have natural or genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who they know well by considering relationship and friendship values.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sitting on the strategic position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a closer relationship with the boss or managers.

However
, it is true that talented and skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
tend to work
professionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
and networks which lead them to have a job sooner and the professionalism will
be gained
during the experience in working or can
be possessed
through training provided by those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
and networks tend to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a wide opportunity in the job market and I believe that those kinds of things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
probably
replace the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
as bring them to the prosperous and successful life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts – music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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