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In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Genetic engineering all over the world has been developing more since duplication of the sheep called Dolly found. There are benefits and downsides in this great biotechnology. I will argue that the genetic engineering has allowed us to live longer and to live a better life. However, I think that we should consider its unexpected and negative effects at a same time. To begin with, people can live longer with treatment and they can eat much better food from GMO products. For instance, after the stem cell was discovered, incredibly, many patients who were suffering from incurable diseases could be treated with new genetic treatments. In addition, genetically manipulated crops have so strong resistance against pests that we can eat good quality food and it is also environmentally-friendly because of the decreasing usage of pesticides and fertilizers. Hence, I’ve asserted that genetic engineering makes us healthier and our life expectancy becomes longer. In contrast, we shouldn’t overlook the negative aspects of the genetic engineering. The development of the genetic engineering can lead to ethical issues and side effects. We don’t know enough about these problems yet because genetic engineering has only been around 30 years. In fact, Dolly as a successful result, lived for 7 years, but they had some problems. Therefore, I believe that genetic engineering can be dangerous, so that we should take into account its problems when they arise. In conclusion, although there are some downsides, I think that genetic engineering should be encouraged in order to help people live better lives however, we should consider the negative effects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
all over the world has been developing more since duplication of the sheep called Dolly found. There are benefits and downsides in this great biotechnology. I will argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a better life.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should consider its unexpected and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects at a same time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
treatment and
they can eat much better food from GMO products.
For instance
, after the stem cell
was discovered
,
incredibly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
patients who were suffering from incurable diseases could
be treated
with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
treatments.
In addition
,
genetically
manipulated crops have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong resistance against pests that we can eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality food and it is
also
environmentally
-friendly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the decreasing usage of pesticides and fertilizers.
Hence
, I’ve asserted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us healthier and our life expectancy becomes longer.

In contrast
, we shouldn’t overlook the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
. The development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
can lead to ethical issues and side effects. We don’t know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about these problems
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
been around 30 years. In fact, Dolly as a successful result,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
for 7 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we should take into account its problems when they arise.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
should
be encouraged
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
however
, we should consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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