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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 6
Today's world is becoming unsafe due to the various reasons. In the certain nations, folks are used to have guns for their self protection. However, this may lead to the number of shooting activities. So firstly, this essay would discuss the major reason behind owning gun trend among the public in certain territories and secondly, discuss why this essay will completely disagree with the above notion. On the one hand, The prime reason behind buying a gun is the increased criminal activities such as robbery, theft, murder and so on. This raised offence makes public afraid of dying and this leads them to buy a gun to protect themselves. For example, The Indian national gun data report revealed that 80% of the general civilian in guns at their home to save them from criminals. On the other hand, The shooting has increased because of the inflation in the nations. People are becoming more selfish and hence, they become jealous easily after seeing another person's achievement. Thus, to keep the other person lower, the individual attempted shooting to end the success. For instance, the Shrilanka's regime data of the shooting says that there has been 70% increased in the shooting activity due to the lack of jobs and opportunity to survive in the nation. This is why this essay is disagreeing with the statement that the shooting is because of having guns at home. In conclusion, gun indeed be an asset in the difficult situation as a safety weapon. Nonetheless, it is considered as a dangerous weapon which could cause unnecessary harm to the living organisms including human and animals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's world is becoming unsafe due to the various reasons. In the certain nations, folks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
for their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self protection
.
However
, this may lead to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
firstly
, this essay would discuss the major reason behind owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
trend among the public in certain territories and
secondly
, discuss why this essay will completely disagree with the above notion.

On the one hand, The prime reason behind buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
is the increased criminal activities such as robbery, theft, murder and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This raised
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
public afraid of dying and this leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
to protect themselves.
For example
, The Indian national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
data report revealed that 80% of the general civilian in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at their home to save them from criminals.

On the other hand
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the inflation in the nations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming more selfish and
hence
, they become jealous
easily
after seeing another person's achievement.
Thus
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the other person lower, the individual attempted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the success.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shrilanka
's regime data of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
says that there has been 70% increased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
activity due to the lack of jobs and opportunity to survive in the nation. This is why this essay
The verb 'disagreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is disagreeing
with the statement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
indeed
be an asset in the difficult situation as a safety weapon. Nonetheless, it
is considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
weapon which could cause unnecessary harm to the living organisms including human and animals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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