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There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? v.5

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? v. 5
Technological advancements in recent times have brought significant changes in our social lives. Some people think that social media has brought people closer, while others believe that it compromises their privacy. In my opinion, I completely agree with the former viewpoint because we are connected nowadays more than ever before. Nonetheless, this essay discusses both sides of the argument and then submits a plausible opinion. On the one hand, many people believe and I agree that social media applications such as WhatsApp and Facebook have brought families and friends together. This is because a few years ago, people were not as informed about each other as they are now; and this has happened because of social media. For example, when someone is traveling to a foreign country, he can update his status on his Facebook account, and everyone in his circle will get to know about his movement. On the other hand, a certain group of people argues that social media websites and applications request access to private information such as photos, and contacts. This, according to them, breaches their privacy. Admittedly, this happens when you install a new mobile application or visits a website, they ask for your permission to access the mobile gallery and contact list which they claim is requested to provide an enhanced user experience. Nevertheless, some people do not feel comfortable in giving such information. To exemplify, when WhatsApp is downloaded and installed on our phone, it seeks permission to access contacts stored in the phone's memory which one may not want to share. In conclusion, it is true that when information becomes available on the internet, its privacy is compromised. However, we cannot deny that social media has played a strong role in making the whole world a global village where everyone is connected with each other. It is predicted that in the future, more and more people will use social media to get in touch with their friends and families.
Technological advancements in recent times have brought significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer, while others believe that it compromises their privacy. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
are connected
nowadays more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Nonetheless, this essay discusses both sides of the argument and then submits a plausible opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
applications such as WhatsApp and Facebook have brought families and friends together. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a few years ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not as informed about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
; and this has happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For example
, when someone is traveling to a foreign country, he can update his status on his Facebook account, and everyone in his circle will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about his movement.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites and applications request access to private information such as photos, and contacts. This, according to them, breaches their privacy.
Admittedly
, this happens when you install a new mobile application or visits a website, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
your permission to access the mobile gallery and contact list which they claim
is requested
to provide an enhanced user experience.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel comfortable in giving such information. To exemplify, when WhatsApp
is downloaded
and installed on our phone, it seeks permission to access contacts stored in the phone's memory which one may not want to share.

In conclusion
, it is true that when information becomes available on the internet, its privacy
is compromised
.
However
, we cannot deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has played a strong role in making the whole world a global village where everyone
is connected
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. It
is predicted
that in the future, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their friends and families.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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