Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
It is true that an increasing number of people choose to bear their first child later. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon and argues that it possesses more benefits to both individuals and society. The reluctance of people to have their children early mainly caused by two reasons. First of all, the ever intensified competition among employees impedes their willingness to be young parents. As individuals need to devote all their energy and time to secure a position in their workplace, it is unlikely for them to have enough spare time to bear and raise a child. In addition, the enhanced social equality acts as another vital reason. This is because women are promised with the same rights as men have that they can work or study based on their own willingness, resulting in the reduced possibility for them to have their children in early age. As for its influences, there is no doubt that both people and nations could derive more benefits from bearing children late. To begin with, without the need to look after a baby, people are able to pursue their desired lifestyles, such as travelling around the world or receiving a higher education, which increases their satisfaction towards their life. Moreover, governments can expect to spend cut on financial assistance to those families who have young children to raise. If the public funds can be allocated to the areas that stimulate the economic growth directly, for instance, the manufacturing industry and agriculture sector, the nation will achieve an accelerated development of its economy. In conclusion, the fierce competition among individuals and improved social equality are two vital reasons that decrease people’s will to have a child, while this development is associated with more advantages.
It is true that an increasing number of
people
choose to bear their
first
child later. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon and argues that it possesses more benefits to both individuals and society.

The reluctance of
people
to have their
children
early
mainly
caused by two reasons.
First of all
, the ever intensified competition among employees impedes their willingness to be young parents. As individuals need to devote all their energy and time to secure a position in their workplace, it is unlikely for them to have
enough
spare time to bear and raise a child.
In addition
, the enhanced social equality acts as another vital reason. This is
because
women
are promised
with the same rights as
men
have that they can work or study based on their
own
willingness, resulting in the
reduced
possibility for them to have their
children
in early age.

As for its influences, there is no doubt that both
people
and nations could derive more benefits from bearing
children
late. To
begin
with, without the need to look after a baby,
people
are able to pursue their desired lifestyles, such as travelling around the world or receiving a higher education, which increases their satisfaction towards their life.
Moreover
,
governments
can
expect
to spend
cut
on financial assistance to those families who have young
children
to raise. If the public funds can
be allocated
to the areas that stimulate the economic growth
directly
,
for instance
, the manufacturing industry and agriculture sector, the nation will achieve an accelerated development of its economy.

In conclusion
, the fierce competition among individuals and
improved
social equality are two vital reasons that decrease
people’s
will to have a child, while this development
is associated
with more advantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts