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In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is argued that there has been a rise in count of parents who educate their young ones themselves at home instead of educating them in colleges. This essay argues that disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages because of the serious issues it can cause. This essay firstly discuss lack of exposure, lack of updates as the disadvantages and then brings saving money as the one of the advantage. Firstly, if youngsters are trained by their parents then children may lack face to face interaction with others. This is because school is a place where one can interact with different kind of children and staff members so the child may not feel difficulty in starting a conversation with a stranger. Moreover, it gives the opportunity to create good friends. Further, the teachers in a school are highly trained. They keep themselves updated with subject knowledge and they know in what way to teach so that the student can easily understand. This is not the same in case of parents who educate their children. Even the child may get bored by a continuous long teaching from his elderly ones. Now a day's fee in school has become a serious problem. Many parents cannot afford the high tuition fee demanded by the school. If parents had the enough subject knowledge and potential to develop their kids then this can save a lot of money. This saved money can be used for further purposes. Some of the parents are teachers and they have the ability to uplift their heir. To illustrate this further, a man named 'Rahul' who was disabled had got admitted in the most reputed institution IIT MUMBAI by pursuing training from his parents who cannot afford for his primary education and training, whereas the students who spent a lot of money for getting trained in a standard institute have not gotten admission. In conclusion, on the fact that without the peer to peer exposure it is difficult for any individual to survive so the disadvantages stand strong and clearly destroys the advantages. Even though there are some advantages but the disadvantages are innumerous and critical. Hence the disadvantages clearly outweigh the advantages.
It
is argued
that there has been a rise in count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
educate their young ones themselves at home
instead
of educating them in colleges. This essay argues that disadvantages of this outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the serious issues it can cause. This essay
firstly
discuss lack of exposure, lack of updates as the disadvantages and then brings saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as the one of the advantage.

Firstly
, if youngsters
are trained
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
then children may lack face to face interaction with others. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place where one can interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of children and staff members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the child may not feel difficulty in starting a conversation with a stranger.
Moreover
, it gives the opportunity to create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends.
Further
, the teachers in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
highly
trained. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated with subject
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
they know in what way to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the student can
easily
understand. This is not the same in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
educate their children. Even the child may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored by a continuous long teaching from his elderly ones.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day's fee in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has become a serious problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot afford the high tuition fee demanded by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
subject knowledge and potential to develop their kids then this can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
further
purposes.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teachers and
they have the ability to uplift their heir. To illustrate this
further
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
named 'Rahul'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was disabled
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admitted in the most reputed institution IIT MUMBAI by pursuing training from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot afford for his primary education and training, whereas the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for getting trained in a standard institute have not gotten admission.

In conclusion
, on the fact that without the peer to peer exposure it is difficult for any individual to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the disadvantages stand strong and
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the disadvantages are
Possible spelling mistake found.
innumerous
and critical.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the disadvantages
clearly
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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