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In some countries, there has been an increasing number of parents who educated their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, there has been an increasing number of parents who educated their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Globally, at universities the science disciplines as a study course is taken exceptionally rare among freshmen. Future students opt other fields of study due to the reason that they mindset, think of scientific subjects to be more challenging to learn at university level. Also, they might have a lack of knowledge in science fields while at secondary school level. Such an issue can have a gradual consequence of the scientific society in terms of new innovations and as a deceleration of science research or even discoveries. First off, most students tend to have more of an unsure opinion whether they can handle study pressure at undergraduate level in science course. For instance, they might have a direct conversation with qualified students beforehand, rather than participating in an open day where teachers are supportive, about how is it to be enrolled in chemical engineering or in applied physics. This approach is common and it can change the mindset of a person if the response was negative about workload, late night studies, bunch of assignments and scientific reports. Secondly, learners might simply receive lower quality of secondary level education in STEM subjects being educated in the school of arts. With a limited number of future professionals in this area of expertise, scientific community gradually decreases. The outcome of this tendency can be seen in the news. In particular, if to be precise, new inventions, patents on tech products, discoveries in the field of science are not in the list of announcements. This is because physicists and chemists are not having enough reinforcements of fresh graduates in their communities. To sum up, natural science is the latter choice among the university applicants. That matter of choice occurs during peer communication or the enquiry conversations with sophomores regarding workload. Besides this, schoolers might have been given other background that is not related to science or solely related to humanities subjects. Consequently, the more people omit natural sciences as their course of study at university, the less research paper would be shared among scientists that brings those new empirical discoveries and thus the less inventions, innovations and achievements.
Globally, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
disciplines as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
course
is taken
exceptionally
rare among freshmen. Future students opt other fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
due to the reason that
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they mindset
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
subjects to be more challenging
Did you mean "learning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to learn
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
Also
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a lack of knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
fields while at secondary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. Such an issue can have a gradual consequence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
society in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovations and as a deceleration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
research or even discoveries.

First
off, most students tend to have more of an unsure opinion whether they can handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
pressure at undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
course.
For instance
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a direct conversation with qualified students beforehand,
rather
than participating in an open
It is better to use 'day' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "day when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
day where
teachers are supportive, about how is it to
be enrolled
in chemical engineering or in applied physics. This approach is common and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mindset of a person if the response was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
about workload, late night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
It seems that an article is missing.
bunch of
assignments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
reports.
Secondly
, learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
simply
receive lower quality of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
education in STEM subjects
being educated
in the school of arts.

With a limited number of future professionals in this area of expertise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
community
gradually
decreases. The outcome of this tendency can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
In particular
, if to be precise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions, patents on tech products, discoveries in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are not in the list of announcements. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
physicists and chemists are not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
reinforcements of fresh graduates in their communities.

To sum up, natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is the latter choice among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
applicants. That matter of choice occurs during peer communication or the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiry' is British English.
enquiry
conversations with sophomores regarding workload.
Besides
this, schoolers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
other background
that is
not related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
or
solely
related to humanities subjects.
Consequently
, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
omit natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
as their course of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the less research paper would
be shared
among scientists that brings those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
empirical discoveries and
thus
the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun inventions is countable.
less
inventions, innovations and achievements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there has been an increasing number of parents who educated their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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