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In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
While many people state that an ideal class would be contained mixed-ability student, the rest claims to group children according to ability, which means brilliant children would study in the independent and proper environment. While I acknowledge that both methods have difference advantages, I prefer a mixed class. On the one hand, relevant to mixed-ability model, the equality or justice are likely to be perceived by a majority of learners in terms of ethtics. Moreover, the class with a diversity of student's levels makes an incredible win - win situation as the distinctive student could have more motivation to achieve their target while the others are expected to get more efforts to be better. In addition, with mixed classes, advanced students can experience the satisfaction of helping less-able learners and modeling more complex ideas. This practice may build confidence in the advanced students and help them foster the relationship bond. On the other hand, concerned with streaming method, some schools separate students according to their academic ability in order to cater those students with an appropriate curriculum. In detail, high-level groups may absorb faster while lower-level groups could only benefit from a slower pace. Additionally, by this method, teacher could design more challenging lessons to enhance knowledge of bright students. Nevertheless, a negative impact of streaming on students are inevitable. It is clear that no one wants to be considered as a less intelligent than others so that grouping children could damage students' self-esteem. In conclusion, the influence of education on human's live are critical and profound. As individual demands are varied so that learners should be careful when choosing studying environment. In my opinion, mixed class is highly praised and the distinctive students could take part in extra classes to make the enhancement facilitate their abilities better.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that an ideal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
would
be contained
mixed-ability
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, the rest claims to group children according to ability, which means brilliant children would study in the independent and proper environment. While I acknowledge that both methods have difference advantages, I prefer a mixed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

On the one hand, relevant to mixed-ability model, the equality or justice are likely to
be perceived
by a majority of learners in terms of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ethtics
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
with a diversity of student's levels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an incredible win
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
win situation as the distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
could have more motivation to achieve their target while the others are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more efforts to be better.
In addition
, with mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can experience the satisfaction of helping less-able learners and modeling more complex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. This practice may build confidence in the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them foster the relationship bond.

On the other hand
, concerned with streaming method,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
according to their academic ability in order to cater those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with an appropriate curriculum. In detail, high-level groups may absorb faster while lower-level groups could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit from a slower pace.
Additionally
, by this method, teacher could design more challenging lessons to enhance knowledge of bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Nevertheless
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of streaming on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are inevitable. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that no one wants to
be considered
as a less intelligent than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that grouping children could damage students' self-esteem.

In conclusion
, the influence of education on human's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
are critical and profound. As individual demands
are varied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that learners should be careful when choosing
If 'choosing' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to study".
studying
environment. In my opinion, mixed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is
highly
praised and the distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the enhancement facilitate their abilities better.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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