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In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much time at work and not at home. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much time at work and not at home. v. 2
Teenagers are involved in several social problems in certain nations. Some people believe that parents not spending time with their children because of work is the main reason. I agree with this statement, as youngsters are not properly trained at home and negative characters from the media can instigate problems. To begin with, inability of parents to stay with their children is the obvious reason for this. This is to say that youngsters are not properly trained at home. Work schedule has overwhelmed father's and mothers, that they have little or no spare time for their words. Consequently, wrong choice of friends gives rise to a lot of social problems. For instance, the New York Police Department (N. Y. P. D. ) In 2018, revealed that 90% of juvenile delinquencies are peer groups incited. Furthermore, the media also has influence on this trend. Teenagers are very inquisitive and will likely want to imitate what they see. Hence, negative characters from the media can instigate problems. For example, the Internet offers all sorts of information and entertainment. Nudity and crime can be copied from it. This affects young ones wrongly. In addition, entertainment ranging from music to video games is not exerted. Profanity can be adopted from uncensored lyrics and violence from gaming may incite them to carry these acts in real life. Therefore, a lot of attention should be given to these young adults, if we want these issues resolved. To conclude, parents are a major root of this problem as youngsters are not properly trained at home and negative characters from the media can instigate problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are involved
in several social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in certain nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that parents not spending time with their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work is the main reason. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, as youngsters are not
properly
trained at home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
characters from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can instigate problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, inability of parents to stay with their children is the obvious reason for this. This is to say that youngsters are not
properly
trained at home. Work schedule has overwhelmed father's and mothers, that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no spare time for their words.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choice of friends gives rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For instance
, the New York Police Department (N. Y. P. D.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
In 2018, revealed that 90% of juvenile delinquencies are peer groups incited.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
has influence on this trend.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inquisitive and will likely want to imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
characters from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can instigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
, the Internet offers all sorts of information and entertainment. Nudity and crime can
be copied
from it. This affects young ones
wrongly
.
In addition
, entertainment ranging from music to video games is not exerted. Profanity can
be adopted
from uncensored lyrics and violence from gaming may incite them to carry these acts in real life.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to these young adults, if we want these issues resolved.

To conclude
, parents are a major root of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as youngsters are not
properly
trained at home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
characters from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can instigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much time at work and not at home. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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