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In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home. v. 1
In many countries, there are a number of social problems associated with teenagers. Many people think that this is the result of the fact that parents spend much less time at home because they work for hours in the workplace. I completely agree with this idea, and I believe that parental role is one of the most important factors for the development of a teenager. First of all, one of the main issues in associated with the problems in teenagers’ lives is their mental health. The children of those who spend much time at work struggle with a sense of loneliness after returning the home from the school. In other words, this feeling leads to severe mental problems such as depression, anxiety, stress. Moreover, children, which have the sense of loneliness tend to make wrong friends, who suffer from illegal tendencies such as drug abuse, and. Therefore, children, who spend much time alone at home without any care, feel loneliness. Apart from the mental issues, a child of parents who spend less their time at home is more likely to fail at the school. A handful of studies conducted among teenagers in educational institutions has shown that parental role is able to overshadow the role of teachers as a determinant factor in terms of academic performance. For example, children show more interest in their assignments and subjects if they are supported by their parents, and when their parents give a compliment and encourage them. Furthermore, it is clear that the top scorers in schools have a high level of parental care and a sense of encouragement triggered by their parents. Thus, unless the children spend enough time with their parents for their emotional and academic development, they face career problems as well as low academic scores in the future. In conclusion, social problems regarding teenagers have become a concerning issue in a number of countries. Some people believe that the cause of these problems is that the parents of those who have problems in teenage year spend much time in the workplace. I fully agree with this idea, and I believe that the lack of parental care lead to mental problems, academic inefficiency, and result in wrong friendships.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, there are a number of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is the result of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work for hours in the workplace. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
role is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors for the development of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the main issues in associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work struggle with a sense of loneliness after returning the home from the school.
In other words
, this feeling leads to severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as depression, anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which have the sense of loneliness tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from illegal tendencies such as drug abuse, and.
Therefore
,
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children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone at home without any care, feel loneliness.

Apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
issues, a child of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home is more likely to fail at the school. A handful of studies conducted among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in educational institutions has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
role is able to overshadow the role of teachers as a determinant factor in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more interest in their assignments and subjects if they
are supported
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give a compliment and encourage them.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the top scorers in schools have a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
care and a sense of encouragement triggered by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
, unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their emotional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
development, they face career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as well
as low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
scores in the future.

In conclusion
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have become a concerning issue in a number of countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the cause of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in teenage year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the workplace. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and I believe that the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
care lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
inefficiency, and result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
friendships.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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