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As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v.2

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 2
In economically developed countries, car sales are increasing day by day. Most people want to ride their individual cars. There are some advantages for the human while harmful effect on the environment is important than personal comfort. It is clear that in the modern life, personal car is often in a significant needing list. Public transports such as subways or buses are sometimes unavailable, crowded and take more time in a vacation. In addition, nobody wants to travel with her baby, kids in a bus for hygiene issues among the community. Due to the fact that, car sales peak among the families have a newborn. In doubtless, buying a car is necessary when we think about comfortable transport especially family with children. However, increasing numbers of the car in these countries would be a detrimental effect on our children in the future. If we think about our future not only children, but also the Earth, we prefer using public transport mostly. On the other hand, environmental issues are getting a rise all around the world, especially developed countries. One of the reasons for this, the cars. They release emission gases and other dangerous gases. All these industrial pollutants are delivered to the atmosphere. The people who exposed to it, can caught breathing or other health problems. For instance, breathing diseases are common in the developed economies. The environmental harmful effect of the cars can not ignore. In conclusion, being comfortable with using the car is not as much as significant being healthy. Every government should be conscious decreasing sales of the cars and they encourage the society to prefer using public transport.
In
economically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
sales are increasing day by day. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to ride their individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for the human while harmful effect on the environment is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than personal comfort.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in the modern life, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
in a significant needing list. Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
such as subways or buses are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
unavailable, crowded and take more time in a vacation.
In addition
, nobody wants to travel with her baby, kids in a bus for hygiene issues among the community. Due to the fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
sales peak among the families have a newborn. In doubtless, buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is necessary when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
especially
family with children.
However
, increasing numbers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in these countries would be a detrimental effect on our children in the future. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about our future not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the Earth, we prefer using public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
mostly
.

On the other hand
, environmental issues are getting a rise all around the world,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. One of the reasons for this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. They release emission gases and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gases. All these industrial pollutants
are delivered
to the atmosphere. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who exposed to it, can caught breathing or other health problems.
For instance
, breathing diseases are common in the developed economies. The environmental harmful effect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.

In conclusion
, being
Consider using "comfortable using".
comfortable with using
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is not as much as significant being healthy. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be conscious decreasing sales of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cars and
they encourage the society to prefer using public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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