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The widespead use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantegeous outweigh the disadvantegeous? v.2

The widespead use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantegeous outweigh the disadvantegeous? v. 2
It is true that the popularity of the Internet creates the users favorable conditions to work and study online. While I accept that this trend are advantegeous in some ways, it is my personal perspective that the disadvantegous are more highlighted. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why workers and students have a tendancy of working online. In the first place, employees and organizations could save a great deal of time and budget when working via the Internet. Indeed, while staffs are free from commuting time and traffic congestion to work places, it is not nescessary for employers to rent a large offfice. Secondly, the progress of narrowing the education gaps between areas is more feasiable thanks to Internet devices. In some unhealthy countries with backward education systems, on the ground of equiping the Internet, students are given the easier accesses to approach to advanced education programes from healthy nations. Let ‘s take Vietnam as a stark example, had it not been for Internet conection, a large number of Vietnamese students would have never kept up with MBA courses of well known universities like Harvard Business School. On the other hand, I believe that the option of working or studying at home is unbenificial in some ways. Initially, it creates less opportunities for people to build up a strong relationship. The less staffs face-to-face communicate with their co-workers, the less they understand their team-mates. This is conducives to the detorioration in team spirit, resulting in reduction of productivities and effectiveness. Further and even more significantly, online study may cause some serious health problems. Some learners witness eye deseases as a consequence of serveral hours keeping the eyes glued on the screens. Besides, it is waves from computers and IT devices taking responsibilies for causing headaches or heart attacked to searchers. In conclusion, although online working and studying have bright sights to users in their own ways, it seem to me that it’s drawbacks are more outweighed.
It is true that the popularity of the Internet creates the users favorable conditions to work and study
online
. While I accept that this trend are
advantegeous
in
some
ways, it is my personal perspective that the
disadvantegous
are more highlighted.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why workers and students have a
tendancy
of
working
online
. In the
first
place, employees and organizations could save a great deal of time and budget when
working
via the Internet.
Indeed
, while staffs are free from commuting time and traffic congestion to work places, it is not
nescessary
for employers to rent a large
offfice
.
Secondly
, the progress of narrowing the education gaps between areas is more
feasiable
thanks to Internet devices. In
some
unhealthy countries with backward education systems, on the ground of
equiping
the Internet, students are
given
the easier accesses to approach to advanced education
programes
from healthy nations.
Let
‘s take Vietnam as a stark example, had it not been for Internet
conection
,
a large number of
Vietnamese students would have never
kept
up with MBA courses of well known universities like Harvard Business School.

On the other hand
, I believe that the option of
working
or studying at home is
unbenificial
in
some
ways.
Initially
, it creates
less
opportunities for
people
to build up a strong relationship. The
less
staffs face-to-face communicate with their co-workers, the less they understand their team-mates. This is
conducives
to the
detorioration
in team spirit, resulting in reduction of
productivities
and effectiveness.
Further
and even more
significantly
,
online
study may cause
some
serious health problems.
Some
learners witness eye
deseases
as a consequence of
serveral
hours keeping the eyes glued on the screens.
Besides
, it is waves from computers and IT devices taking
responsibilies
for causing headaches or heart attacked to searchers.

In conclusion
, although
online
working
and studying have bright sights to users in their
own
ways, it
seem
to me that it’s drawbacks are more outweighed.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay The widespead use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantegeous outweigh the disadvantegeous? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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