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In some countries, the unemployment is high, therefore, some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education as because they cannot find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In some countries, the unemployment is high, therefore, some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education as because they cannot find jobs in the future. v. 2
Myriads of countries are facing difficulty in finding jobs so that it is thought by people that young people stop their improvement after finishing primary education for searching, employment, otherwise, it will be difficult for them to find a suitable job. I, diametrically, disagree with this statement, because if they enhance their knowledge by stepping into secondary education, they will get more opportunities in finding activities, besides it would help them to cope with the professional world. First and foremost, these days, employment opportunities have been scarce due to the lack of resources. Some intelligence believes that adolescents must halt earning expertise further, because fundamental discipline would help them to search a better work. However, with a bit of knowledge, juveniles would not be able to achieve the target. The reason is that, for example, primary inculcation only teach the ABC of learning. Furthermore, it will neither teach how to behave with professionals nor build analytical ability which is pivotal in the work place. Moreover, rarely any youngsters have achieved a zenith position in any organization acquiring basic training. Therefore, the problem of unemployment would increase if youth achieves only rudimentary idea. On the contrary, if the new generation reckons about secondary erudition after primary level of training, there is a possibility of more job facilities. In fact, it is said, the more certificates you have, the more doors of companies you have opened. For instance, studies have shown that in the Asian countries, 69% of people are employed in astronomical companies, since they have secondary schooling. In addition, those who have only prime instruction and intend to get work, they are suffering perennially in order to not having the proper certificates of the proposed job. Ergo, having a secondary degree, young people would earn the amenities of good corporations. In conclusion, only finishing basic level of information and after earning that certificate children will seldom get a better working place if he or she does not earn next level of erudition. That is why, I, completely, second that secondary education is imperative to find private and public company in the long run.
Myriads of countries are facing difficulty in finding
jobs
so
that it is
thought
by
people
that young
people
stop
their improvement after finishing primary education for searching, employment,
otherwise
, it will be difficult for them to find a suitable
job
. I,
diametrically
, disagree with this statement,
because
if they enhance their knowledge by stepping into
secondary
education, they will
get
more opportunities in finding activities,
besides
it would
help
them to cope with the professional world.

First
and foremost, these days, employment opportunities have been scarce due to the lack of resources.
Some
intelligence believes that adolescents
must
halt earning expertise
further
,
because
fundamental discipline would
help
them to search a better work.
However
, with a bit of knowledge, juveniles would not be able to achieve the target. The reason is that,
for example
, primary inculcation
only
teach the ABC of learning.
Furthermore
, it will neither teach how to behave with professionals nor build analytical ability which is pivotal in the work place.
Moreover
, rarely any youngsters have achieved a zenith position in any organization acquiring basic training.
Therefore
, the problem of unemployment would increase if youth achieves
only
rudimentary
idea
.

On the contrary
, if the new generation reckons about
secondary
erudition after primary level of training, there is a possibility of more
job
facilities. In fact, it
is said
, the more certificates you have, the more doors of
companies
you have opened.
For instance
, studies have shown that in the Asian countries, 69% of
people
are employed
in astronomical
companies
, since they have
secondary
schooling.
In addition
, those who have
only
prime instruction and intend to
get
work, they are suffering
perennially
in order to not having the proper certificates of the proposed
job
. Ergo, having a
secondary
degree, young
people
would earn the amenities of
good
corporations.

In conclusion
,
only
finishing basic level of information and after earning that certificate children will seldom
get
a better working place if he or she does not earn
next
level of erudition.
That is
why, I, completely, second that
secondary
education is imperative to find private and public
company
in the long run.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the unemployment is high, therefore, some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education as because they cannot find jobs in the future. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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