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The rise in crime rate in many countries what are the courses what are the solutions v.1

The rise in crime rate in many countries what are the courses what are the solutions v. 1
The recent increase in the rate of crimes in many countries is alarming. This is due to the level of unemployment and undue exposures. This increase in crime rate can easily be reduced to the barest minimum by providing jobs for people and controlling the kind of information they are exposed to. The crime degree is always on the high side when people are not gainfully employed. The saying that an idle's mind is the devils workshop is very apt in this case. When people are not gainfully employed and they have to meet certain basic life essential needs such as clothing, feeding and so on, they tend to take to crime. In a related development, the level of exposures of the people is so high. The advent of the internet gives people access to different kinds of information, both positive and negative. Where the information is mostly negative, people tend to act or behave according to what they often see. For example, when someone that is criminally inclined watches movies on crimes and how it is perpetuated, he easily takes to it because what we always see has a way of influencing our behaviours. There are many approaches to reducing crime across different countries. The first will be for the government to provide job opportunities for all. If the government makes it a point of duty to provide employment opportunities and provide an enabling environment for job creations, the quota of crime will reduce. For instance, someone that is gainfully employed and has a hope of what to eat tomorrow will never take to crime. Why would he? . Secondly, the government through its agencies can censor the kind of information people have access to, both through the internet and in movies. This is really important because people are easily influenced by what they see. As an illustration, a child that grows up in an environment where he has not seen how stealing is done, will find it difficult, if not impossible to steal. As I conclude, the alarming rate of crimes in many nations is caused by unemployment and undue exposure. Nevertheless, this can be controlled by creating job opportunities for all and censoring the information people are exposed to.
The recent increase in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries is alarming. This is due to the level of unemployment and undue exposures. This increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate can
easily
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to the barest minimum by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and controlling the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they
are exposed
to.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
degree is always on the high side when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
gainfully
employed. The saying that an
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "idles"?
idle's
mind is the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "devils'" or "devil's"?
devils
workshop is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
apt
in this case
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
gainfully
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employed and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
certain basic life essential needs such as clothing, feeding and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, they tend to take to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In a related development, the level of exposures of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high. The advent of the internet gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to act or behave according to what they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
For example
, when someone
that is
criminally
inclined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
movies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and how it
is perpetuated
, he
easily
takes to it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what we always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
has a way of influencing our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
approaches to reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. The
first
will be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for all. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a point of duty to provide employment opportunities and provide an enabling environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
creations, the quota of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
For instance
, someone
that is
gainfully
employed and has a hope of what to eat tomorrow will never take to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Why would he?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
through its agencies can censor the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to, both through the internet and in movies. This is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
influenced by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. As an illustration, a child that grows up in an environment where he has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
how stealing
is done
, will find it difficult, if not impossible to steal.

As I conclude, the alarming rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations
is caused
by unemployment and undue exposure.
Nevertheless
, this can
be controlled
by creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for all and censoring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The rise in crime rate in many countries what are the courses what are the solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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