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In some countries the unemployment is high, therefore some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education because they cannot find jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In some countries the unemployment is high, therefore some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education because they cannot find jobs. v. 1
Nowadays, unemployment is one of the rising concerns in few nations. This has led some people to believe that children should not complete secondary education and start working as soon as they finish primary education. This essay will discuss that why I completely disagree with this proposition because attaining minimum qualification is the first step to become eligible for a job. The main reason why children should at least finish secondary education is because it is one of the most basic requirements for getting hired and not completing high school will only diminish their chances. For instance, according to LinkedIn, one of the most popular networking and job boards, around seventy percent job postings state that applicants must have a secondary school degree. Therefore, in order to get employed, children must focus on their studies and thrive to graduate. Furthermore, completing a higher education is no mere feat; it requires a lot of hard work, patience and perseverance. All these qualities are important to have, not only they help children to grow as a person, but also, prepare them for the future challenges they might face while working in a company or running their own business. This is why instead of worrying about unemployment and some people have to say about it, children should aim to get a degree. This reason has further bolstered the fact that completing secondary school is necessary. To conclude, this essay discussed why completing a secondary education is extremely essential for getting employed and people who think children should straightforward work after attaining primary education have a flawed understanding about the reasons behind rising unemployment. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the idea of children dropping out of schools just after finishing primary education.
Nowadays, unemployment is one of the rising concerns in few nations. This has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they finish primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This essay will discuss that why I completely disagree with this proposition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
attaining minimum qualification is the
first
step to become eligible for a job.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should at least finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is one of the most basic requirements for getting hired and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
diminish their chances.
For instance
, according to LinkedIn, one of the most popular networking and job boards, around seventy percent job postings state that applicants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
degree.
Therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on their studies and thrive to graduate.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is no mere feat; it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, patience and perseverance. All these qualities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow as a person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, prepare them for the future challenges they might face while working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or running their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. This is why
instead
of worrying about unemployment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say about it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree. This reason has
further
bolstered the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is necessary.

To conclude
, this essay discussed why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
extremely
essential for getting employed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should straightforward work after attaining primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have a flawed understanding about the reasons behind rising unemployment. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
dropping out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after finishing primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the unemployment is high, therefore some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education because they cannot find jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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