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A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. v.14

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. v. 14
More and more people nowadays believe that social status and material possessions are the most important features in one person. However, they are completely wrong. In our technological world all of us forget what are the real values we should possess. We are thinking that our life is a competition in which we have no real friend who could trust so we behave cold, losing ours kindness. The real problem though is that losing these values is a tendency by youngsters who are using their smartphones non-stop. Because it is a technology which made the world a material one. These young people would give the exact same example to their children so it would become odd if someone is kind or trusting. I do not think that we realise the risks of being material. Even though it sounds like a cliche, it is true: Money can not buy you happiness. Yes, you would be pleased if you have a big house with a pool, some modern cars and a huge company but where is your big family? To be a happy, loved, honoured, kind and loving person does not require material possessions and a particular social status. It requires a big heart. In the past people were divided into groups by their social status. These on the bottom of the pyramid were living a terrible life because the only thing they possessed were some vital values. My opinion is that we should not go back in these times. The only change which is necessary is to ensure a good life for everyone - let’s make the world a modern but a pleasant place.
More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays believe that social status and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
possessions are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
features in one person.
However
, they are completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

In our technological world all of us forget what are the real values we should possess. We are thinking that our life is a competition in which we have no real friend who could trust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we behave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
, losing ours kindness.

The real problem though is that losing these values is a tendency by youngsters who are using their smartphones non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is a technology which made the world a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
one. These young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would give the exact same example to their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would become odd if someone is kind or trusting.

I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
.
Even though
it sounds like a
'cliche' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cliché"
cliche
, it is true: Money can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
you happiness. Yes, you would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
if you have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with a pool,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modern cars and a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
where is your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family? To be a happy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
, kind and loving person does not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
possessions and a particular social status. It requires a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
heart.

In the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were divided
into groups by their social status. These on the bottom of the pyramid were living a terrible life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing they possessed were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital values.

My opinion is that we should not go back in these times. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
which is necessary is to ensure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life for everyone
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a modern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a pleasant place.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. v. 14

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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