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In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from that of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future? v.2

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from that of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future? v. 2
Father and mother are playing equally essential roles in the process of their children' s growing up. However, in some countries, their importance and responsibilities are quite different. In this essay I will analyse the reasons and discuss the possible changes of their roles in the future. There are several reasons for the difference of father and mother in some countries due to their traditional societal structure. On the one hand, in some countries, men are carrying on the responsibility as a breadwinner of a family. Their main tasks are supporting family financially. As a consequence, in most cases they are outside and their time spending with children is limited. On the other hand, in those areas women' s role is working as housewives and some of them are even deprived from working outside. So they spend much more time educating their children and have a closer sensational relationship to their offspring than fathers. However, this imbalanced family relationship structure is harmful for children' s physical and mental healthy on their way of growing up. Fortunately, with the process of feminism and gender equality, an inceasing number of mothers begin to work and carry on the financial supporting while more fathers have more time and opportunities to accompany with their children and this is definitely a positive trend. Fathers can bring bravery, powerfulness and broader horizons to their children which cannot be provided by most mothers. With fathers' education, children' s personality will development more completely. On the flip side, in the future mothers will concentrate more on children' s delicate care, which can make their children' s daily care in a higher quality. Therefore, although their educational roles are not the same in detail, they will shoulder equal responsibilities together for their children' s better development. In conclusion, the different roles in parenting result from some traditional and historical reasons. But in the future with the development of the society and people' s change of view, fathers and mothers' responsibilitie will develop as well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
are playing
equally
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in the process of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s growing up.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, their importance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. In this essay I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons and discuss the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in the future.

There are several reasons for the difference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries due to their traditional societal structure. On the one hand, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are carrying on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
as a breadwinner of a family. Their main tasks are supporting family
financially
. As a consequence,
in most cases
they are outside and their time spending with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is limited
.
On the other hand
, in those areas
Possible spelling mistake found.
women&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
is working as housewives and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are even
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
working outside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they spend much more time educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and have a closer sensational relationship to their offspring than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
.
However
, this imbalanced family relationship structure is harmful for
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s physical and mental healthy on their way of growing up.

Fortunately
, with the process of feminism and gender equality, an
Possible spelling mistake found.
inceasing
number of mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to work and carry on the financial supporting while more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
have more time and opportunities to
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fathers
can bring bravery,
Possible spelling mistake found.
powerfulness
and broader horizons to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which cannot
be provided
by most mothers. With
Possible spelling mistake found.
fathers&
#039; education,
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s personality will development more completely. On the flip side, in the future mothers will concentrate more on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s delicate care, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s daily care in a higher quality.
Therefore
, although their educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
are not the same in detail, they will shoulder equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
together for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s better development.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in parenting result from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional and historical reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the future with the development of the society and
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
mothers&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilitie
will develop
as well
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from that of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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