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In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from that of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future? v.1

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from that of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future? v. 1
People consume more fast food than they used to in the past. The main reason why this is happening is mainly because processed food is considered to be the most convenient way of consumption and the result of this is possibly the risk of obesity and atrophy. People prefer to eat more fast food by virtue of their convenience. To be more lucid, no sooner had processed food being developed than the life of people who don't have time to cook at home became considerably easier. Furthermore, processed food is considered by many people much cheaper than unprocessed one, which means that people can easily order it again and again. For example, a research conducted by Russian scientist found that 43% of fast food eaters order fast food as they are busy with their academic or professional purpose, and 36% of eaters prefer processed food because of their lower price. It is common knowledge that the effect of this way of consumption gives rise to obesity or atrophy. To be more accurate, today all processed food is genetically modified, which means that the chemicals affect us toxically. Furthermore, some restaurants may use poor quality product which can effect on consumer health negatively and can cause atrophy. For example, a recent research showed that, but for such noxious fast food, 40 million people wouldn't suffer from poisoning. In conclusion, today people will consume more processed food by virtue of their convenience and effect of this phenomenon is that people are suffering symptoms of poisoning and obesity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in the past. The main reason why this is happening is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is considered
to be the most convenient way of consumption and the result of this is
possibly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity and atrophy.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
prefer to eat more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by virtue of their convenience. To be more lucid, no sooner had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
being developed
than the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't have time to cook at home became
considerably
easier.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
much cheaper than unprocessed one, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
order it again and again.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by Russian scientist found that 43% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
eaters order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as they are busy with their academic or professional purpose, and 36% of eaters prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lower price.

It is common knowledge that the effect of this way of consumption gives rise to obesity or atrophy. To be more accurate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
genetically
modified, which means that the chemicals affect us
Possible spelling mistake found.
toxically
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restaurants may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
poor quality product which can effect on consumer health
negatively
and can cause atrophy.
For example
, a recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for such noxious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, 40 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wouldn't suffer from poisoning.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by virtue of their convenience and effect of this phenomenon is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering symptoms of poisoning and obesity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from that of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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