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School leavers go travelling or working before they go directly to university. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

School leavers go travelling or working before they go directly to university. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
It is not uncommon for high school graduates go traveling or working for a period instead of attending college directly in this day and age. Actually this practice has both positive and negative impacts on those young graduates and in this essay I will analyse them and conclude my opinion. Traveling or working after leaving high school, which also refers to ' the gap year' , is prevalent among young graduates in many countries and it definitely has many merits. To begin with, teenagers can greatly widen their minds through traveling to different places. For example, in the long-distance journey abroad, they can gain more knowledge about exotic culture and fulfill themselves. Furthermore, traveling or working could cultivate their independence and improve their problem-solving abilities. As they have to face up to unpredictable problems on their journey or on their work. In addition, after the exercise of ' the gap year' , it can help young adults to set clear objectives, which benefits for their future career. However, despite the advantages of ' the gap year' , there are also some potential drawbacks of it that worths our carefully thinking. Firstly the safety should be taken into consideration, as teenagers have experienced less than their elders, they may lack sense of self-defense and this can cause some unimaginable problems on their journey. Besides, after their traveling or working for a period, some of them may find that they cannot easily readjust to the campus life. Some of them even consequently abandon their studying career, which may undermine their competence in society in the long run. Therefore, it is not appropriate for everyone to experience ' the gap year' , whether to do this should consider the graduates' specific situation. In conclusion, traveling or working after high school graduation has both advantages and disadvantages for the development of school leavers. Before they take actions, they should scrutinize that whether it is suitable for their own desires.
It is not uncommon for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
go traveling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a period
instead
of attending college
directly
in this day and age. Actually this practice has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on those young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and in this essay I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
them and conclude my opinion.

Traveling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after leaving high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which
also
refers to ' the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
Possible spelling mistake found.
year&
#039;
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
is prevalent among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and it definitely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can
greatly
widen their minds through traveling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
For example
, in the long-distance journey abroad, they can gain more knowledge about exotic culture and fulfill themselves.
Furthermore
, traveling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
could cultivate their independence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their problem-solving abilities. As they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face up to unpredictable problems on their journey or on their work.
In addition
, after the exercise of ' the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
Possible spelling mistake found.
year&
#039;
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young adults to set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
objectives, which benefits for their future career.

However
, despite the advantages of ' the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
Possible spelling mistake found.
year&
#039;
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks of it that
Possible spelling mistake found.
worths our
carefully
thinking.
Firstly
the safety should
be taken
into consideration, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have experienced less than their elders, they may lack sense of self-defense and this can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unimaginable problems on their journey.
Besides
, after their traveling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may find that they cannot
easily
readjust to the campus life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them even
consequently
abandon their studying career, which may undermine their competence in society in the long run.
Therefore
, it is not appropriate for everyone to experience ' the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
Possible spelling mistake found.
year&
#039;
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
whether to do this should consider the
Possible spelling mistake found.
graduates&
#039; specific situation.

In conclusion
, traveling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduation has both advantages and disadvantages for the development of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
they take actions, they should scrutinize that whether it is suitable for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay School leavers go travelling or working before they go directly to university. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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