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Art classes like painting and drawing is important to students’ development and it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Art classes like painting and drawing is important to students’ development and it should be compulsory in high school. v. 2
Some people argue that art class is beneficial to students’ personal development, therefore it ought to be a core lesson in high school. I partly agree this opinion, but I think that it is impractical for everyone to attend the art courses. It is undoubted that visual arts, such as painting and drawing play an important role in modern society. To begin with, artistic design is essential in almost every domain in the business world, which is based on the fundamental painting skills. Learning it in high school could effectively cultivate students’ relative skills and it can also help talented students clear their objective in advance. Even for those who do not want to be artists in the future, painting classes can also foster their basic aesthetic values, which has huge educational sense. In addition, high school life is full of pressure since students have to strive for their ideal colleges. Attending painting and drawing courses can greatly alleviate their academic pressure and regulate their intensive daily routine, which is useful and helpful for students. While art courses have a lot of merits, I still hold the idea that it is unrealistic to set them as a compulsory lesson. First of all, as the majority of students could not be an artist in the future, they just reckon art classes as a waste of time. Compared with these classes, they prefer to spend time learning scientific classes such as math or physics, which seems to be more pragmatic for improving their academic score and attending college. Besides, for those less talented students, the painting class may make them feel difficult to handle with and once they cannot get the ideal performance, they tend to be frustrated. Therefore, it is reasonable to set the art class as an elective. Those who are interested in painting could get professional direction there. In conclusion, art class is indeed important to cultivate well-rounded high school students, but it should not be promoted as a compulsory lesson.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
personal development,
therefore
it ought to be a core lesson in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is impractical for everyone to attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses.

It
is undoubted
that visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and drawing play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in modern society. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, artistic design is essential in almost every domain in the business world, which
is based
on the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Learning it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could
effectively
cultivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
relative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their objective in advance. Even for those who do not want to be artists in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can
also
foster their basic aesthetic values, which has huge educational sense.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life is full of pressure since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
strive for their ideal colleges. Attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and drawing courses can
greatly
alleviate their academic pressure and regulate their intensive daily routine, which is useful and helpful for students.

While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
merits, I
still
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is unrealistic to set them as a compulsory lesson.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could not be an artist in the future, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reckon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
as a waste of time. Compared with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, they prefer to spend time learning scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
such as math or physics, which seems to be more pragmatic for improving their academic score and attending college.
Besides
, for those less talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel difficult to handle with and once they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the ideal performance, they tend to
be frustrated
.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to set the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as an elective. Those who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
professional direction there.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is
indeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to cultivate well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
be promoted
as a compulsory lesson.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Art classes like painting and drawing is important to students’ development and it should be compulsory in high school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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