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In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem? v.1

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem? v. 1
Art galleries played a vital role for people to larn creativity during the previous time. In the present scenario, the trend of art galleries has decreased because most young persons think that it is old-fashioned. There are some reasons for it which I will discuss in the following paragraphs of this essay. The first and foremost cause of the decrement of visitors in art galleries in the advancement of technology. Because nowadays art galleries are easily accessible by human beings with the help of internet and television. In other words, some programs are telecasted on television which contains each and everything about an art gallery including the internal structure, artist’s creativities, and so on. Also, the documents are available on the internet which is related to a particular art. So, people can enjoy it by staying in their homes. In addition, many individuals believe that visiting the art galleries is only a waste of time because at such places a limited stock of art pieces present. It is not enough for learning about special art. Thus, they give more preference to go to see historical buildings, museums, art competitions, and so on. Moreover, there are few suggestions that could be proved fruitful for art galleries to attract more and more persons towards it. Firstly, the government should encourage visitors by reducing the ticket prices and art galleries should organize some types of packages for visiting there such as an individual’s ticket, group packages, and so on. It will lure others to visit there again and again. Secondly, educational institutes ought to plan excursions for juveniles to bring them to an art gallery. As a result, they can broaden the horizons of their knowledge by watching the creativity of artists. Thirdly, the art galleries should have to organize live competitions over there. It will attract both kinds of individuals, participants, and sightseers. Through this, people will start loving to go there. To conclude, the art gallery is an inseparable thing that helps artists to show their art to local persons. This trend is decreasing day by day. But I believe it can gain popularity again among human beings by adopting solutions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
played a vital role for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
larn
creativity during the previous time. In the present scenario, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
has decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most young persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for it which I will discuss in the following paragraphs of this essay.

The
first
and foremost cause of the decrement of visitors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
in the advancement of technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are
easily
accessible by human beings with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet and television.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
programs are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on television which contains each and everything about an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
including the internal structure, artist’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
creativities
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
, the documents are available on the internet which
is related
to a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy it by staying in their homes.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a waste of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at such places a limited stock of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces present. It is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for learning about special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Thus
, they give more preference to go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
historical buildings, museums,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
competitions, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Moreover
, there are few suggestions that could
be proved
fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
to attract more and more persons towards it.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage visitors by reducing the ticket prices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of packages for visiting there such as an individual’s ticket, group packages, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It will lure others to visit there again and again.
Secondly
, educational institutes ought to plan excursions for juveniles to bring them to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
.
As a result
, they can broaden the horizons of their knowledge by watching the creativity of artists.
Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
organize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
competitions over there. It will attract both kinds of individuals, participants, and sightseers. Through this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
loving to go there.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
is an inseparable thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
artists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to local persons. This trend is decreasing day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe it can gain popularity again among human beings by adopting solutions.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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