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In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. Waht are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem. v.2

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. Waht are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem. v. 2
Nowadays, the way in which people are going to the art galleries and museums decreasing as compared to olden days. This is mainly due to people are no more fascinating towards arts in these days. However, there are several ways to solve this situation by making awareness to the people by the government. Firstly, people in the society are not exhibiting their interest towards arts because they are not aware of the value of the art. Despite of arts and museums which encourage our humanity and culture, citizens are engaging with shopping malls and movie theatres which reveal the unrealistic characteristics. Another important point is that, the management who organises the art galleries are making profits by implementing an extra charge towards the visitors who captivating towards the arts. As a result, the reputation towards the art galleries is damaged by such kind of unnecessary activities. There are myriad solutions to solve this problem. One method to tackle this situation is that the government should conduct make awareness campaign regarding arts must be important to recapitulate our previous generations and our religious notions. Because art plays a vital role in the society, it is our responsibility to preserve our art and culture from the extinct. Though art portrays the way to express and communicate ideas, people to tend to know about that art galleries are the only way to learn about our culture. Another essential strategy for this is the government should not encourage any kind of business activities while exhibitions are taking place. To conclude that, although there are several spectacular views to experience in this modern era, art must be considered as one of the major priorities than other entertainments.
Nowadays, the way in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and museums decreasing as compared to olden days. This is
mainly
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no more fascinating towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in these days.
However
, there are several ways to solve this situation by making awareness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society are not exhibiting their interest towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not aware of the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and museums which encourage our humanity and culture, citizens are engaging with shopping malls and movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
which reveal the unrealistic characteristics. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that, the management who
Possible spelling mistake. 'organises' is British English.
organises
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are making profits by implementing an extra charge towards the visitors who captivating towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
As a result
, the reputation towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is damaged
by such kind of unnecessary activities.

There are myriad solutions to solve this problem. One method to tackle this situation is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should conduct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness campaign regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to recapitulate our previous generations and our religious notions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a vital role in the society, it is our responsibility to preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture from the extinct. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
portrays the way to express and communicate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to tend to know about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to learn about our culture. Another essential strategy for this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not encourage any kind of business activities while exhibitions are taking place.

To conclude
that, although there are several spectacular views to experience in this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
as one of the major priorities than other entertainments.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. Waht are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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