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In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem? v.2

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem? v. 2
It is true that art museums are becoming unpopular in some countries. In the following paragraphs, I shall present reasons to why this is happening, and some possible solutions available to solve the issue. There are two primary reasons for art galleries becoming less popular. Firstly, some of these galleries are outdated. Visitors may find it boring and less interesting when these are nothing out of the ordinary. For instance, there are no new exhibits to check on, nor new themes or arrangements at the venue. Moreover, the majority of these art galleries have expensive admission fees. Although these fees may seem to be cheaper for foreign visitors, as for locals this is already expensive. Hence, some art museums show a decline in the number of visitors. Nevertheless, these can be addressed by some possible ways available. One way is for the government to invest in funding art galleries. By adding more collections for people's viewing, it can encourage more visitors. New monthly exhibits are a good example of this. Another solution is to provide visitors with local discounts and privileges. That is to say that local people should have at least 30 - 50% discounts every weekend or free admission fees for children under 12 years old. In conclusion, the reasons behind the decreased in the number of visitors to art museums are due to outdated collections and unaffordable entrance fees, but this can be worked out when the government supports financially on adding more collections and provide discounted fees for local who tend to visit it.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums are becoming unpopular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. In the following paragraphs, I shall present reasons to why this is happening, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions available to solve the issue.

There are two primary reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
becoming less popular.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are outdated
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Visitors
may find it boring and less interesting when these are nothing out of the ordinary.
For instance
, there are no new exhibits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on, nor new themes or arrangements at the venue.
Moreover
, the majority of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
have expensive admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
may seem to be cheaper for foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, as for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
this is already expensive.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a decline in the number of visitors.

Nevertheless
, these can
be addressed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible ways available. One way is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest in funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. By adding more collections for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's viewing, it can encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. New monthly exhibits are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this. Another solution is to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
discounts and privileges.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should have at least 30
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
50% discounts every weekend or free admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for children under 12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In conclusion
, the reasons behind the decreased in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums are due to outdated collections and unaffordable entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be worked
out when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supports
financially
on adding more collections and provide discounted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
who tend to visit it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries are declining. What are the reasons for this? How can we solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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