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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.8

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 8
Increasing the average weight of people and decreasing the levels of health and fitness are found in many countries. In my opinion, unhealthy behaviour of people is the cause of these problems and should be solved by a health campaign. People gained weight and unhealthy because of unhealthy behaviours. Junk food and lack of physical activity are a part of unhealthy habits that have many negative effects on our health. Nowadays, many people have a high-calorie diet every day and have physical activity not enough, these routines can raise the average weight and reduce the levels of health and fitness. I used to like junk food because it is delicious and spend a lot of time on a chair without exercise because of my job and I do not like physical activity, for example. My behaviour made me have a belly and weight increase. Even if, unhealthy behaviours are the cause of health problems, but these problems can be solved by the effective health campaign. Health campaign can change people behaviour by giving knowledge to them. If society has a health campaign that promotes about the benefits of physical activity and disadvantage of junk food, people will interest in their health and turn to have healthy foods and do more physical activity. Reduce Belly - health campaign in Thailand, for instance, this campaign induces people to care about everyday meals and introduce easy ways to exercise. After watching some video of this health campaign, I feel I should eat more fruits and vegetables and avoid junk food. In conclusion, many unhealthy behaviours make people weight increase and loss their health, so we can use effective health campaign to be a solution.
Increasing the average
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weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and decreasing the levels of
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health
and fitness
are found
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. In my opinion,
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unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
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people
is the cause of these problems and should
be solved
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
campaign.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
gained
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weight
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
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unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
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Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lack of
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physical
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activity
are a part of
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unhealthy
habits that have
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many
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negative
effects on our
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health
. Nowadays,
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a high-calorie diet every day and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
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activity
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, these routines can raise the average
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weight
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the levels of
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health
and fitness. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to like
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junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is delicious and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on a chair without exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my job and I do not like
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
for example
. My
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
made me have a belly and
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weight
increase.

Even if,
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unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are the cause of
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health
problems,
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but
these problems can
be solved
by the effective
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health
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campaign
.
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Health
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campaign
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
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people
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by giving knowledge to them. If society has a
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health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
that promotes about the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
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food
,
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people
will interest in their
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health
and turn to have healthy
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foods
and do more
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physical
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activity
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Reduce
Belly
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
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health
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campaign
in Thailand,
for instance
, this
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campaign
induces
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people
to care about everyday meals and introduce easy ways to exercise. After watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
video of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
, I feel I should eat more fruits and vegetables and avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.

In conclusion
,
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many
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unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
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make
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people
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weight
increase and loss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
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so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
to be a solution.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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