Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people think that money is important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give your answer with relevant example? v.1

Many people think that money is important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give your answer with relevant example? v. 1
happiness is something which cannot be described in words, it mean a different thing to different people. It is thought by masses that financial means and money is vital in order to attain joyful life. Money is helpful in fulfilling many desires of an individuals and also used to achieve social status, which can be associated with happiness. To begin with, many materialistic things in this world can be purchased with money. In other words, people are fulfilling their desires and have possession, which cannot even afford to buy. If a person have money he will definitely try to provide the best of facilities to his family members and loved ones. Fore example, rich people generally have luxurious homes, cars and useful amenities. Apart from this it also helps to achieve the felling of accomplishment, because all the luxury is the result of huge dedication and hard-work. Moving further, undoubtedly money is also useful in maintaining social status. Since individuals who have surplus income get more involved in social activities in comparison to others, so they are able to socialize in effective manner. Community life is indispensable for all the human beings, as we all are part of the society, nobody can live alone. Many public events has been sponsored by wealthy people's like Indian Premium League is running because of the contribution done by many high net-worth individuals. Moreover, they also donate money for the charity and needy people's, all this social support raise their values in the eye of the general public. Because of which they gain more respect and value. In conclusion, unequivocally money cannot everything, but many significant things can be achieved with financial resources. Therefore, rich people have more successful and happy life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
happiness
is something which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in words, it
Did you mean "means"?
mean
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by masses that financial means and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is vital in order to attain joyful life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is helpful in fulfilling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
desires of an individuals and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status, which can
be associated
with happiness.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
materialistic things in this world can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fulfilling their desires and have possession, which cannot even afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. If a person have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he will definitely try to provide the best of facilities to his family members and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Fore example, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
have luxurious homes, cars and useful amenities. Apart from this it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to achieve the felling of accomplishment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the luxury is the result of huge dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work.

Moving
further
,
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
also
useful in maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status. Since individuals who have surplus income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities
in comparison
to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are able to socialize in effective manner. Community life is indispensable for all the human beings, as we all are part of the society, nobody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
been sponsored
by wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's like Indian Premium League is running
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the contribution done by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high net-worth individuals.
Moreover
, they
also
donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the charity and needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's, all this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
support raise their values in the eye of the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which they gain more respect and value.

In conclusion
,
unequivocally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
significant things can
be achieved
with financial resources.
Therefore
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more successful and happy life.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that money is important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give your answer with relevant example? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts