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Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. v.1

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. v. 1
Many people say that doctors should be in charge of telling their patients about how to improve their health. Although I completely disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will prove my views with reasons and examples. First of all, Doctors have had their own direction for so many years. As for diseased people, the members of other jobs should be attracted. Another helpful way is that, They should think about their health. They need to go to the internet to know what are needed for them or what their strength is demand for. Second of all, The human being has had its own relatives, closes since they were born. They might be children, parents or others who have to care of them. In fact, Doctors ought to warn patients` relatives about what they do need beforehand. However, There could be the people who are far or without their parents too. Third of all, The contemporary life is being updated day by day. New technologies are being made, new cyber-treatments are expected to be used. Virtually, they would probably be the best ways to inform the people about their well-being. Moreover, New channels should separately be opened for those who are suffering or being afraid of their healths. To sum up, There could be so many other reasons to prove why I did not agree with the statement, however, I think that doctors are really main guilties for protecting the people`s lives. Their job is exceedingly hard. So other additional hardships will obviously be more and more complicated.
Many
people
say that
doctors
should be in charge of telling their patients about how to
improve
their health.
Although
I completely disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will prove my views with reasons and examples.

First of all
,
Doctors
have had their
own
direction for
so
many
years. As for diseased
people
, the members of
other
jobs should
be attracted
. Another helpful way is that, They should
think
about their health. They need to go to the internet to know what
are needed
for them or what their strength is demand for.

Second of all, The human being has had its
own
relatives, closes since they
were born
. They might be children, parents or others who
have to
care of them. In fact,
Doctors
ought to warn patients` relatives about what they do need beforehand.
However
, There could be the
people
who are far or without their parents too.

Third of all, The contemporary life is
being updated
day by day. New technologies are
being made
, new cyber-treatments are
expected
to be
used
.
Virtually
, they would
probably
be the best ways to inform the
people
about their well-being.
Moreover
, New channels should
separately
be opened
for those who are suffering or being afraid of their
healths
.

To sum up, There could be
so
many
other
reasons to prove why I did not
agree
with the statement,
however
, I
think
that
doctors
are
really
main
guilties
for protecting the
people`s
lives
. Their job is
exceedingly
hard
.
So
other
additional hardships will
obviously
be more and more complicated.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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