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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.19

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 19
IN THIS MODERN ERA, WE ARE SO BUSY THAT WE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO COOK FOOD AT HOME AND PREFER TO EAT FOOD OUTSIDE WHICH IS UNHEALTHY. THIS IS CREATING SOME PROBLEMS LIKE OBESITY AND DECLINING THE LEVEL FOR FITNESS AND HEALTH. I BELIEVE, THIS IS ALL HAPPENING BECAUSE PEOPLE SPEND THEIR MOST OF TIME AT HOME OR WORK AND EAT JUNK FOOD. THERE ARE SOME SOLUTIONS OF THESE PROBLEMS SUCH AS EATING HEALTY FOOD AND DOING SOME EXERCISES. TO BEGIN WITH, PEOPLE ARE SO BUSY WITH THEIR WORK. IN OTHER WORDS, THEY SPEND THEIR HIGHEST AMOUNT OF TIME AT WORK PLACE SO, THEY DO NOT HAVE MUCH TIME FOR COOKING FOOD. THEY PREFER TO BUY FOOD FROM DIFFERENT PLACES FOR EXAMPLE, RESTAURANTS, BARS, COFFEE SHOPS AND SUPERMARKETS, WHICH IS ALREADY PREPARED BY CHEFS, BUT THIS TYPE OF FOOD IS UNHEALTHY BECAUSE THEY CONSUME A LOT OF THEIR ITEMS OF DAY BEFORE AND SOMETIMES USE EXPIRED MATERIALS. HOWEVER, NOT ONLY FOOD EATEN BY OUTSIDE CAUSES, SYMPTOMS, BUT IT IS ALSO AFFECTED BY LAZYNESS IN PEOPLE. NOWADAYS, THEY LIKE TO PLAY OR CHAT ON COMPUTERS BY STAYING AT HOME WITHOUT DOING OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES WHICH LEADS TO INCREASE THEIR WEIGHT AND CREATE OTHER PROBLEMS FOR THEIR HEALTH. HOWEVER, ALL THESE PROBLEMS CAN BE TACKLED BY IF PEOPLE START COOKING FOOD AT HOME, WHICH IS HEALTHY AND MADE BY ACCORDING TO THEIR FAVORITE INGREDIENTS. SECOND SOLUTION IS THAT, PEOPLE SHOUD TAKE PART IN OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES SUCH AS PLAYING FOOTBALL, CRICKET INSTEAD OF STAYING AT HOME IN THEIR FREE TIME. THEY CAN ALSO DO SOME FITNESS EXERCISES LIKE JOGGING, CYCLING AND SO MANY OTHER. THUS, THESE ALL CAN HELP THEM TO BE FIT AND LIVE HEALTHY LIFE WITHOUT ANY SYMPTOMS. TO SUMMARIZE, PEOPLE ARE BEING OBESE BECAUSE THEY EAT MORE OUTSIDE THAN COOKING BY THEMSELVES DUE TO THEIR UPLOAD WORK. I THINK, THEY COULD SOLVE THIS IF THEY DO EXERCISES AND EAT FOOD COOKED AT HOME. THEY COULD BECOME HEALTHY IF THEY PARTICIPATE IN OUDOOR ACTIVITIES.
IN THIS MODERN ERA, WE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
BUSY THAT WE DO NOT HAVE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
TO COOK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
AT HOME AND PREFER TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OUTSIDE
WHICH IS UNHEALTHY. THIS IS CREATING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
LIKE OBESITY AND DECLINING THE LEVEL FOR FITNESS AND HEALTH. I BELIEVE, THIS IS ALL HAPPENING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
SPEND THEIR MOST OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
AT HOME OR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EAT
JUNK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
. THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
SOLUTIONS OF THESE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
SUCH AS EATING
Possible spelling mistake found.
HEALTY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
AND DOING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
EXERCISES.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEGIN
WITH,
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PEOPLE
ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
BUSY WITH THEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
.
IN OTHER WORDS
, THEY SPEND THEIR HIGHEST AMOUNT OF
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TIME
AT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
PLACE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, THEY DO NOT HAVE MUCH
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TIME
FOR COOKING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
. THEY PREFER TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
FROM
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
PLACES
FOR EXAMPLE
, RESTAURANTS, BARS, COFFEE SHOPS AND SUPERMARKETS, WHICH IS ALREADY PREPARED BY CHEFS,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
THIS TYPE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
IS UNHEALTHY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY CONSUME
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A LOT OF
THEIR ITEMS OF DAY
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BEFORE
AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SOMETIMES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
EXPIRED MATERIALS.
HOWEVER
, NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
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FOOD
EATEN BY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OUTSIDE
CAUSES, SYMPTOMS,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
IT IS
ALSO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AFFECTED
BY
Possible spelling mistake found.
LAZYNESS
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
. NOWADAYS, THEY LIKE TO PLAY OR CHAT ON COMPUTERS BY STAYING AT HOME WITHOUT DOING OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES WHICH LEADS TO INCREASE THEIR WEIGHT AND CREATE OTHER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
FOR THEIR HEALTH.

HOWEVER
, ALL THESE
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PROBLEMS
CAN
BE TACKLED
BY IF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
COOKING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
AT HOME, WHICH IS HEALTHY AND MADE BY ACCORDING TO THEIR FAVORITE INGREDIENTS. SECOND SOLUTION IS THAT,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
Possible spelling mistake found.
SHOUD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TAKE PART
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OUTSIDE
ACTIVITIES SUCH AS PLAYING FOOTBALL, CRICKET
INSTEAD
OF STAYING AT HOME IN THEIR FREE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
. THEY CAN
ALSO
DO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FITNESS EXERCISES LIKE JOGGING, CYCLING AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
Possibly, a noun is missing after 'OTHER'. Or do you mean "others"?
OTHER
.
THUS
, THESE ALL CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
THEM TO
BE FIT
AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
HEALTHY LIFE WITHOUT ANY SYMPTOMS.

TO SUMMARIZE
,
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PEOPLE
ARE BEING OBESE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EAT
MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OUTSIDE
THAN COOKING BY THEMSELVES DUE TO THEIR UPLOAD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
, THEY COULD SOLVE THIS IF THEY DO
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "exercise"?
EXERCISES
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
COOKED AT HOME. THEY COULD BECOME HEALTHY IF THEY PARTICIPATE IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
OUDOOR
ACTIVITIES.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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