Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

04. 10. 2017Your colleague from a different town is coming next month and you are moving out of your current accommodation. Write a letter to the colleague to recommend they move into your house and say– Why are you moving to another house? – Describe yo v.1

04. 10. 2017Your colleague from a different town is coming next month and you are moving out of your current accommodation. Write a letter to the colleague to recommend they move into your house and say– Why are you moving to another house? – Describe yo v. 1
Inheritance plays vital role in deciding characteristics of human beings. However, it is presumed that natural personality cannot be changed. To some extent, I do not agree above stated statement. This essay will consider human personality is variable and hence not constant. Firstly, each individual is different from another in terms of behavioural traits, furthermore, some people are introverts, some are extroverts. Inheritance and surroundings play vital role in shaping character. We are born with certain natural values and instincts which are difficult to alter but not impossible to change. Evidently, Siblings differ in personality traits and can adopt to new qualities while growing up. For instance, twins may look alike, but may not have similar behavioural patterns. Nowadays, there are many institutions and learning centres to shape character traits. It is often said that "leaders are born and not made" but on the contrary, there are many schools and universities teaching leadership qualities and various behavioural aspects. For example, armies of many countries do have training institutes to shape the personalities of army officers in order to make them mentally and physically fit and lead thousands of people effectively. Moreover, leadership is systematically taught and transmitted to the cadet. In conclusion, it is inevitable to be born with certain characteristics which are hereditary, but those who are determined to change these traits can do so with proper education and training.
Inheritance plays vital role in deciding characteristics of human beings.
However
, it
is presumed
that natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
above stated statement. This essay will consider human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is variable and
hence
not constant.

Firstly
, each individual is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from another in terms of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
,
furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are introverts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are extroverts. Inheritance and surroundings play vital role in shaping character. We
are born
with certain natural values and instincts which are difficult to alter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Evidently
, Siblings differ in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
and can
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
new qualities while growing up.
For instance
, twins may look alike,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
may not have similar
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
patterns.

Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
institutions and learning
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to shape character
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
leaders
are born
and not made
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools and universities teaching leadership qualities and various
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
aspects.
For example
, armies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries do have training institutes to shape the personalities of army officers in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them mentally and
physically
fit and lead thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
effectively
.
Moreover
, leadership is
systematically
taught and transmitted to the cadet.

In conclusion
, it is inevitable to
be born
with certain characteristics which are hereditary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those who
are determined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traits
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with proper education and training.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay 04. 10. 2017Your colleague from a different town is coming next month and you are moving out of your current accommodation. Write a letter to the colleague to recommend they move into your house and say– Why are you moving to another house? – Describe yo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts